Monday, April 04, 2005
Extremely Fat People
Here's a poem about an extremely obese man and the thoughts that roll through his extremely fat head.
It's too late, to turn back now
I'm just a 1,000 pound, revolting sow
I remember the days, when I was a slick 500 pounds
And my stomach consisted of, only six gooey mounds
I can make a thong disappear, just by putting it on
The line where my ass stops, and legs start, is practically gone
My ass is a backyard with a ten acre lawn
Moving up a flight of stairs, takes about from dusk till dawn
But this all doesn't concern me, living life this way
I eat anything I want, in my six meals a day
I don't believe in counting calories, that's for people who are thin
But I do believe in counting, the rolls under my chin
I did five pushups yesterday, I was pretty proud of myself
They were orange flavored shebert, and I found them on the freezer shelf
Tucked behind the eggos, man I forget that they were there
I'd a offered you one, but when it comes to food, I rarely share
Cause I'm a fat sack of fat, from my head down to my toes
I use curtains to dress myself, since I've given up on wearing clothes
They don't appear to fit me, so I don't need them anyway
And if it wasn't for liquid soap, I'd never make it through a doorway
I'm not fit to work, so the government issues me the stamps
And since I have no muscles, I never worry about cramps
I have severe scoliosis, cause my back can't hold the weight
Once it's straightened out, I'm sure I'll bag a date
Cause the ladies don't like guys, with their hairy humpy backs
They never score the tail, I'm just giving you the facts
I've recently lost my package, I can't find it anywhere
I know size doesn't matter, but you've got to have something down in there
Sometimes I sit and wonder, how I got to be
As big as my bed, and so terribly pastey
And then I think to myself and I get a bit depressed
I haven't seen the light of day, since Reagon was in office
Holy shit, I haven't left the house in nearly twenty years
I miss going out to eat so much, it brings me to tears
I can almost smell Sizzler, and my favorite steakhouse, Ponderosa
All you can eat buffets, my friend, now that's how you're supposed ta
Eat, eat, eat, until you look like me
A sparkling image of Fat Bastard times three
I once described a woman, of being quite saucy
But it was because she had spaghetti and her face, and boy I got horny
Food turns me on like no woman could
Put me in a room with Italian food, and I guarantee I'm springing wood
And that's a shame, cause you can't make love to a bowl of linguinie
That's at least not until I find my two meatballs, and that missing weinie
www.surfcitymeetswb.blogspot.com
# posted by hucklebuck @ 9:43 PM 
