Friday, July 27, 2007
Draft #201
Freestyle Fridays (Where I'm shooting for quantity and not quality)
-First off, congratulations go out to the West Bend West Spartans baseball team who captured the state crown yesterday be defeating New Holstein 11-1 in the championship game. As a West Bend West alum I couldn't be prouder of Bill Albrecht and his players, this is a big time accomplishment and for some people in that town, they now have a reason to live. Billy was probably the only coach I would have run through a wall for during my playing days, so I'm really glad to see him get his first state title coaching at the varsity level. There are definitely warm fuzzies all around.
-The short list of movies I am eager to see: 1) The Simpsons Movie 2) Hot Rod 3) Superbad
-The short list of players I will not be drafting this upcoming football season: 1) Michael Vick 2) Marcus Vick 3) Ron Mexico
-The short list of players that seemingly want the Brewers to lose: 1) Rickie Weeks 2) Grant Balfour (seriously, your last name is Balfour and you're a pitcher? I think someone was trying to tell you something a long time ago--it's not too late to start believing in signs Grant, really, it's not. If the Packers go out this season and sign a running back named Grant Fumblebunch, I will officially be dizzy) 3) Javier Valentin--a Brewer killer extraordinare if I've ever seen one.
-The short list of things I wanted but never got for my birthday: 1) Tiffani Amber Thiessen 2) Tiffani Thiessen 3) Kelly Kapowski
-If you've ever felt like ordering a dessert from a different state, then may I suggest http://www.wickedwhoopies.com/ They are delicious.
-My favorite Jimmy Buffett lyric of the day: "I made enough money to buy Miami but I pissed it away so fast"
-The short list of things I hope never become swollen: 1) My colon 2) My prostate 3) My tonsils
-Random marketing idea for the Brewers: There should be a section of Miller Park devoted to Ben Sheets fans and that section should be called the Sheet Least. I'm sure plenty of people would want to be on Ben's "sheet least". I know I would.
-I am a huge fan of this song...http://www.djbooth.net/index/tracks/review/amy-winehouse-ft-jay-z-rehab-remix/...
-The short list of reasons why I like this song: 1) I applaud the timing of the song given all of the recent celebrities half heartedly slipping in and out of rehab 2) I'm a sucker for the soda fountain/jukebox music of the 50's 3) I could see this song being played in the background during a bloody fight scene of a movie/TV show somewhere down the line.
-Random prediction: Britney Spears will be performing in rhinestone encrusted jumpsuits and eating peanut butter & bacon sandwiches within the next 6 months. I'm calling it.
-Michael Vick's favorite movie: Old Yeller
-If Antoine Carr and Glenn Robinson participated in a caged fight, would Michael Vick get in trouble for it?
-So let me get this straight...dog fighting is to reprehensibile as cat fighting is to yummy delicious. Am I getting this right?
-I recently saw the movie Full Metal Jacket for the first time and I must say I thoroughly enjoyed the beginning half of that flick, the part where private Pyle is getting ridden extremely hard for being a waste of a military space. I kind of thought Pyle might eventually shape up and become an important member of his platoon...so you can imagine the dismay I felt when Pyle shot himself while sitting on a perfectly sanitary head. And what's the deal with all the Vietnamese prostitutes using the sales pitch "me love you long time" as a selling point? They should be focusing on quality instead of quantity. They should be saying, "Me love you so good you remember me long time". That way they wouldn't have had to settle for the 5 dollars they were always bargained down to by the Americans. I also thoroughly enjoyed the part where the Vietnamese gentleman stole the camera and then did a series of jujitsu moves before hopping on the getaway bike. That made absolutely no focking sense.
-Well the Friday workday is coming to a close and the images of pizzas and cervezas are dancing feverishly in my head....so I think I will let this fever take me over. I'll see you all at the County Fair......(when hell freezes over).
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Draft #200
Your Love
Your love is like the salve
That treats my painful bunions
Your love is the breath mint
After Tuesday night liver and onions
Your love is the granola
Atop my strawberry yogurt parfait
Your love is like the freezer
That keeps my red meat from turning gray
Your love is like Pepto Bismol
When my intestines are none too happy
Your love stings like the belt
Back when I still got whoopin's from my pappy
Your love drives me as crazy
As the old lady outside the Wal-Mart
You know, the one with the purple hair
That poops in her shopping cart
Your love is like an imported beer
When a bottle opener is nowhere in sight
And I'm forced to use my teeth
Just to enjoy a Corona Light
Your love is like a school kid
With a brand new magnifying glass
And I'm the ant that's squirming
Burning alive on a blade of grass
Your love is so many things
Sometimes sugar, sometimes spice
And certain times it's down right scary
Like a field full of mutant disease-riddled mice
Your love is like a foot
Placed firmly against my throat
That's when it's not too busy
Kicking in, my nads that go
The pain and pleasure of your existence
Will be the catalyst to my demise
You have my heart and might not know it
So if you could, do me a favor, and just please stop boning other guys
