Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Draft #16
Sometimes customized license plates make us stop and wonder, what the heck are these people trying to convey to us. For example, ILKEBZS. This person may have a thing for bees. So are you into pain? Does being stung by hundreds of bees turn you on like nothing else can? Or, are you simply just a fan of their work and enjoy suckling from the sweet, sweet teet of the honey jar. In any event, the fact that you like bees so much, that you went as far as personalizing your license plate to brag about it, is a little disturbing. So you are a dentist, that's great, ICLNTFF, is a shitty way of telling us about it. We don't care, and nobody asked. The following is a list of personalized license plates and a brief explanation for each.
Custom Plates
1. H8TKIDS- This person doesn't like kids. If he is married, with kids of his own, then this is a ballzy move deserving of an award of some kind. His kids will probably find themselves in theropy at some point in their lives, or maybe this driver doesn't have kids and he would just prefer everyone else fellow suit.
2. I8YOMOM- Apparently this individual has had oral sexual relations with YOUR mother, and now everybody knows about it. Quite frankly, if someone provided that kind of service to my mom, i'd prefer to a) not hear about it at all, or b) please come up with a better way of breaking the news to me if you actually have to brag about it.
3. ILVBUSH- This means one of two things, at least at first glance, could mean something else. This driver is a huge fan of either president George W. Bush or his father George Bush, which would leave me to believe that he is a Republican. Any other interpretations of this license plate have totally passed over this author's head.
4. OWAYSHI- This driver is what is referred to as a pothead. He's always high because he loves smoking weed. The car this license plate is attached to, is most likely a piece of shit on wheels moving way below the speed limit, heading towards the nearest seven-eleven, so look out.
5. UPYOURS- Not much to decipher here. This person is probably a crazy driver who likes cutting people off in traffic, and doesn't care what you think about it. In fact he is so sick of your whining after he cuts you off, that he'd prefer you just go and cram it, way up there!
6. BENTOVR- I'm going to assume this is a female driver, a slutty female driver with a killer ass. She is so proud of her killer ass that she felt the need to announce the position she can most commonly be found in, whether she's dancing on stage, or performing for her boyfriend. It's either that, or a guy who's just been taking shit from his boss for years, and has come up with a creative way to demonstrate his hatred towards the man.
7. TINYTIT, TNEGINY, LILPEWE- These are all people who are interested in sharing the fact that they have small body parts. For some on them, that is a good thing, for others, not quite sure why we are sharing this info, but whatever, who am I to judge?
8. RAMRODR, SOYHOMO, FUJPAKR- These guys probably wouldn't mind being sent to jail, spending their days making license plates and enjoying all the nuances prison life has to offer. Apparently, one of these licensed drivers has a little latino background, muy bueno!
9. IMPLOWD- This driver is a raging alcoholic who didn't put much thought into the customizing of his license plate.
10. HANDJOB -This person either really likes to give or receive, or they are possibly a hand model or a dentist.
11. ISHOTJR- A hardcore Texan who's still living in the 80's.
12. FTLONGR- This driver would like all guys out there to know that no matter how much heat you're packing, his is still at least a foot longer. Or else, he's a golfer that left the putt of his career short by twelve inches and is having difficulties letting go.
13. PUDWAKR, MSTRB8R- This person has no shame.
14. GETRDUN- This driver decided to personalize his license plate a year ago and probably drives a truck and has quite the flannel shirt collection. Oh, and a mullet.
15. ILVCOWS- This could be a dairy farmer, someone who likes cheese, milk, and steaks, or this man has a wanker that tends to wander, Moooooo!!
16. NUNCHUX- Everyone respects a man with nunchucks. Everyone fears a man with nunchucks. Everyone wishes they had a sweet pair of nunchucks.
17. BLUBALZ- This poor man would like to get in contact with the driver in item number ten.
18. BUTR2TH- This person may also be in need of the services of the driver in item number ten, depending on who the driver in item number ten is. Or else, this driver may want to lay off of the coffee for a while and try brushing their teeth for a change.
19. HNGSOLW- Damn right it does!
20. GOTINHR- This guy has most likely slept with his fair share of women, or he is a very creepy gynecologist.
T-shirt slogan: "I got-er done, and it wunt fun"
This person is either obviously not a genius or they have a wonderfully dry sense of humor.
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