Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Draft #17
An interview with Hans: A man of confusion
Name: Hans Dindlefluter
Sex: I'm a 100%, grade A, stud muffined, all-American beef cake, with a slight allergy problem
Age: Old enough to drink, gamble, screw, and rent a car.
Height: Tall
Weight: Kind of round, but not too doughy
Special features: Little hans, my harry back, and my mysterious birth defect
City: Mudflap Valley, Pennsylvania
Occupation: Independent Shadow Puppeteer
Sexual preference: Man, as long as it has boobies, the downstairs can be whatever you've got. If the front door ain't workin, I'll just use the back one.
Hobbies: Tickling animals, smoking my pipe, wearing a monocle, shuffling trailmix in my hand before I eat it, Shoots and Ladders, making pancakes, swimming the backstoke, and wildlife magazines.
Favorite farm animal: Not a fan, but I do like goats, for they are rather good at keeping secrets.
Greatest life achievements: Graduating Shadow Puppet school, my first three marriages, and my AA graduation certificate.
What do you look for in a woman: What-a-ya got? Just kidding. I like sturdy knees.
Favorite date: As long as it ends up back at my place, and we get to play the x-rated version of my favorite board game, it's called Shoots and Splatters.
Favorite fruit: I like apples cuz they're crunchy and juicy and mix well with rum.
What do you look for in a woman/man: Whatever mixes well with rum. First come, first serve.
Your best pickup line: Baby you're so hot, what-a-ya say we go back to my place and I show you how to do the Hans-o-matic two pump thunder trot.
Number of times your best line worked: Defined "worked". I think it works just fine. Don't see anyone cone-plane-in, do ya.
Coke or Pepsi: The captain don't care, and nor do I.
Are you an ass, breast, or leg man: Oh, that's a toughy. Well let's see, the ass gives ya something to hold on to, and the breasts give the eyes something to watch, but legs.........That just gives um something to run away with.
Southern bell or man eater: How's about a Southern eater. Hell I'll even take the bellman if he winks twice at me.
What's the first thing you notice on a woman: Whether or not her thighs might have the potential to rip a man's head clean off his body.
This was just an aweful post, my apologies to the gallery.
# posted by hucklebuck @ 9:31 AM 
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The academy respectfully accepts your apologies. I got a few good laughs. Keep them coming, working for a living is boring.
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