Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Draft #28
Remember the days when the term USA Dream Team used to mean something? Now a days the U.S. is sending teams over seas that should be more accurately described as USA "Well, this isn't a dream, just the best of the rest that could actually make it" glorified B squad. Somehow along the way, being chosen as a member of Team USA has lost its luster. The selecting committee shouldn't have to make more than twelve phonecalls to fill their desired roster. Procedure should go as follows;
Committee: "Hi Kobe, this is the USA international basketball committee and we're excited to tell you that you've been selected as one of twelve players to represent our country in the upcoming Olympic games in 2008."
Kobe: "Gee thanks, that is a real honor, just have your people send my people the tenative schedule breakdowns, and I will look forward to bringing home the gold for our beloved country."
Unfortunately, this is probably the normal response that the committee is given;
Committee: "Hi Kobe, this is the USA international basketball committee and we're excited to tell you that you've been selected as one of the twelve players to represent our country in the upcoming Olympic games in 2008."
Kobe: "Oh boy, I'd loved to, I really would, but 2008? Yeah I don't think that's going to work, I've got a lot of advertising spots to shoot that summer."
Committee: "We're willing to take the necessary steps to have those shoots rescheduled inorder to free up your summer."
Kobe: "Yeah dat sounds nice, but I become a free agent in 2008 and I don't think my agent would want me to risk any injury that summer, ya know, gotta pay them bills."
Committee: "Ri...............ght, well if you don't want to play............"
Kobe: "Don't get me wrong, I'd love to play, but.....you know.........."
Committee: "Well.........all righty then, call us if you change your mind."
Kobe: "Ah-ight!"
Both parties hang up
Committee guy: "Lousy son of a bitch!"
Kobe: "That was close, I almost had to travel the country playing an extra couple of months of basketball for free with the best this country has to offer..........boring."
I'm not sure what the committee has to do in order to convince players to participate, but let's try a little harder please. Give them yachts, cash, ho's, whatever it takes. I will put it upon myself to select the players that will be playing for the Dream Team in the next Olympics, and if these players all accept the invitation extended to them, this will be the greatest team on earth, period. No Stephon Marbury's or Allen Iverson's stinking up the international gyms with their selfish American brand of basketball. I have a plan, and it is a simple plan. Just copy the roster assembled in 1992, find a team that closely resembles that Dream Team and the gold will just fall on our laps. No more close calls with the Argentina's or whatever armpit countries that have been embarrassing us over the last few years. My squad will absolutely destroy all on-comers by 50 points like in the good old days, and we'll sign an autograph for ya after the game. Embarrassing will be a term reserved for when Team USA only wins by 25 points.
The Dream Team's centers in 1992 were Patrick Ewing and David Robinson. They were the two best centers of that era (with respects to Hakeem Olajuwon) and finding players similar to them is a bit of a task. True centers are hard to find in today's NBA since many of the current centers are merely power forwards playing out of position. Some centers possess the size of a Ewing or Robinson, but have nowhere near the same amount of talent. David Robinson was a seven footer that was a genuinely nice person with a good work ethic, strong post game, and even an outside shot to match. Does this sound like anyone familiar to you? Sounds a lot like Kevin Garnett to me, and that's why he's going to be my David Robinson representative for Dream Team 2008. Shaq and Yao are usually the two names tossed about when discussing the NBA's top centers and since Yao is Chinese, then the Ewing spot will be taken by Shaquille O'Neal. Alonzo Mourning actually reminds me more of Ewing, both attended Georgetown, both wore the number 33, both sported excessively long wristbands and had sweet flat-top haircuts in the mid 90's, and they both never won a ring despite being coached by the great Pat Riley. But the marketing department wants Shaq, so we're going with Shaq.
The power forward slots for the original Dream Team were occupied by Charles Barkley and Karl Malone. When looking for the league's premiere power forward, one needs to look no further than Tim Duncan. Not too many similarities between Duncan and either Barkely or Malone, but Duncan does have three rings and Charles plus the Mailman equals zero, so yeah, burn. With Duncan taking Malone's place, it is important to find a player that can fill Barkley's role as the team's intimidator, someone willing to throw an elbow through the chest of Javikes Smornokvik without caring about what others might think, someone to stir the pot a bit. This player needs to be able to play inside, play outside, hustle on both ends, and be just plain relentless. And the guy who can do it, will be none other than Ron Artest. Call me crazy, but I think he just might work.
The small forward duo for the original Dream Team was none other than Larry Bird and Scottie Pippen. Since Dirk Nowitzki is German, I couldn't even begin to think of another player that was white and deserved to be mentioned in the same sentence as Larry, so I won't. Scottie Pippen is a little easier to find a replacement for, a 6'7'', athletic, wiry, long armed, and can do a little of everything type player. If this can't be found in Tracy McGrady and Shawn Marion, I wouldn't know where else to look. (I would, but I wouldn't want to)
Michael Jordan and Clyde Drexler manned the shooting guard positions and no one could ever be as great as MJ, but Kobe Bryant sure seems to try to act like him. And since Kobe isn't too bad of a ball player himself, we'll extend an invitation to him as long as he agrees to utilize his passing skills. Paul Pierce reminds me a lot of Clyde Drexler, but Dwyane Wade is just too sweet to pass up. Besides, Pierce has a propensity for getting stabbed, and this Dream Team can't afford to lose any of its key components.
Magic Johnson and John Stockton orchestrated everything from the point guard position in Barcelona. Magic, a 6'9'' point guard with keen instincts, killer passing skills, the ability to play any position, and hell, he could even score if you wanted him to. LeBron James gets the nod for Magic's replacement, and I would anticipate a few posters being made throughout the Olympics from this guy. When thinking of a player to replace Stockton, I immediately thought of Steve Nash, but unfortunately for Steve, he's Canadian, an ootter catastrophe I tell ya. So then I thought of all the great white point guards in the league today, and Kirk Hinrich popped in my head. He wears the number 12, has dark hair, is white, plays the point, and is nearly the same height. Kirk, welcome aboard.
Chris Mullin and Christian Laettner rounded out the rest of the original Dream Team. Mullin, a white, left-handed forward who played for the Golden State Warriors, somehow made the squad over Dominque Wilkins. And eventhough I desperately would like to give the last professional roster spot to Jason Kidd, I'm going to stick to the blueprint and give the spot to Troy Murphy, a white, left-handed forward who plays for the Golden State Warriors. The final roster spot, according to the original Dream Team squad, goes to a player in the collegiate ranks. And although this player may become professional by the time the Olympics begin, I will select Adam Morrison from Gonzaga to round out the team. What's a Dream Team without a Gonzaganite? Gonzagan? Gonzaganer?
The Dream Team players traditionally wear the jersey numbers one through fifteen. I will also be in charge of handing out the uniform numbers and designating positions. #1- Tracy McGrady, starting small forward #2 Kevin Garnett, starting power forward #3 Dwyane Wade, backup shooting guard #7 Adam Morrison, twelfth man #8 Kobe Bryant, starting shooting guard #9 LeBron James, starting point guard #10 Troy Murphy, eleventh man #11 Tim Duncan, backup center #12 Kirk Hinrich, backup point guard #13 Shawn Marion, backup small forward #14 Shaquille O'Neal, starting center and #15 Ron Artest, backup power forward.
Mike D'Antoni will coach the team to gold with his run and shoot offense, piling up 125 points per contest. This team lacks absolutely nothing and I couldn't even picture a scenario in which this group came within 45 points of losing. U----S----A, U----S----A!!
Gotta keep the poor man's Stockton onboard.
Wade is the man! He can do anything.
I'm assuming the international game is shorter in minutes than the NBA, but if that's not the case, than yes I did lowball this squads potential. Although your predictions sound a little superfan-ish. You know, Bears 67 Giants 3.
Bob- "So where did you go to high school?"
Random guy- "Bangladesh Prep Acadamy."
Bob- "Oh you went to Bangladesh Prep Academy, home of the Mighty Sandbagers."
Random person- "Yeah that's right, you from around here?"
Bob- "No, my nephew played in a tournament here a couple years ago, wait here a second, I have the program in my car, I'll go get it."
Random guy- "No, that's not neces......"
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