Thursday, December 15, 2005
Draft #29
I have an urgent consumer report to share with those of you who read this blog. As an apartment warming gift from my siblings I received a bottle of AXE shower gel, among other things. This was back in September and this morning I've finally started to reach the bottom of the bottle. I'm not sure what this says about my hygiene habits, perhaps the bottle is actually supposed to last three months, or maybe my weekly showerings aren't enough to keep things squeaky. In any event, I am here today to warn you, after reflecting on the last three months, that this product is an absolute piece of crap. I've done a good share of grocery shopping in that time and not once was I bombarded by a wild pack of women who wanted nothing more than to rip the clothes off of my freshly AXE washed body. Not a single instance of a lady hurling herself, parallel to ground, just to grab of piece of whatever she could get from my mansterior because the AXE effect was scrambling her brainwaves forcing her to act a bit more randy than normal. None of my date's mothers (this is assuming I was on a date) were undoing their blouse tops to try and lure me in for a quick "how do ya do" before daughter gets back from wherever daughter has been (then again, why would this date of mine still live with her mother?). No naked ladies walking into my shower, nothing. Don't waste your time with this stuff, it just doesn't work. This is a D-grade product that just doesn't deliver. Actually, it does kind of work, but I'm not willing to admit WHO it worked on because what this guy does in the shower is his own business.
Well after attending last night's Bucks vs. Heat game at the Bradley Center (thanks to some discounted tickets from the corner hustle man), it has come to my attention that I may have to rethink my Shaquille O'Neal nomination for the 2008 Olympics. I know Shaq is coming off of an ankle injury, but I had seen this team play almost a year ago to the date and this was not the same Shaq I remember. The Shaq I saw last year was dunking on people with regular ease and doing funny trots down the court afterwards like he was a sprinter who overpumps his arms when running, quite funny actually. Now maybe the Bucks are just a better team this year and I should be giving them more credit, but this year's Shaq was starting to look his age. Bogut swatted a couple of his shots, and Magloire threw his ass to the ground on one occasion resulting in a thunderous boom courtesy of the diesel and his massive trailer. The guy just looked big and slow and he was in foul trouble the whole night because the refs didn't have any trouble pointing out all his illegal elbow maneuvers. It was like watching an aged Babe Ruth waddle around the bases, it was utterly painful to witness. If his physical decline continues at this pace, he will be in no condition to participate in the 2008 Olympics. At that point people will be calling him the "Big Wheelchair", and this might be the first nickname someone other than Shaq will have given to Shaq. So Ben Wallace and Brad Miller, I want you guys to start stretching because we might need one of you two to step in if Shaq's hips grind themselves to a thick powder before then. But maybe this is just another case of Shaq needing to sweat a few pounds off, to work his way out of his usual early season form. And maybe, just maybe, we'll see Shaq once again tearing down backboards like a young spring chicken.
The Bucks may have lost the game but the night was not a total waste. Some of the highlights included T.J. Ford's alley-oop dunk (that little guy can fly), Antoine Walker airing a three-point attempt over the rim and hitting nothing but the backboard, and watching a female attempt a half court shot at halftime. And I'm pretty sure two gay guys made out while they were on Kiss-cam. And incase you were wondering, that was definitely not one of the highlights. I'm almost positive it was two guys, and if it wasn't, then that lady looks really manish on camera.
# posted by hucklebuck @ 9:57 AM 
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they got you too, huh?
it wasn't rhinestone cowboy on saturday night, it was 6 songs, alright. sold! (john michael montgomery), cocaine (eric clapton), everybody needs somebody (blues brothers), the lady is a tramp (frank sinatra), amie (pure prairie league), and the cheers theme, then I was booed off the machine.
it wasn't rhinestone cowboy on saturday night, it was 6 songs, alright. sold! (john michael montgomery), cocaine (eric clapton), everybody needs somebody (blues brothers), the lady is a tramp (frank sinatra), amie (pure prairie league), and the cheers theme, then I was booed off the machine.
I wish I could have seen your rendition of cocaine, you probably blew the roof off of that place. Unfortunately though, I was busy passing out on the bathroom floor, good times.
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