Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Draft #39
Fun with e-mail:Yesterday I had an interesting conversation with a female co-worker via e-mail. We were both talking about how fun it would be to not have to work, a concept I spend most days dreaming about. One of us suggested that we go on strike, and then the snowball kept rolling from there.
Me: Go on strike, hey? Unfortunately, I'm quite spineless and I rather enjoy food, shelter, and clothing. Sometimes I can go without the clothes, but I've grown rather fond of the food and shelter.
Co-worker: Ehhh, shelter's not that big a deal, just pitch a tent.
Me: Boy, I'm not sure about that. Do you have any experience in the field of tent pitching?
CW: Hell yes, I can single-handedly pitch our tent in pouring rain or snow, not sure about the snow actually.
Me: That's very good to hear because sometimes if a tent isn't pitched properly, it tends to lose some of its sturdiness. It's important to have a strong base.
CW: Yes, I'm very skilled with the hammer.
Me: Again, that's reassuring news because without hammer skills, most amateur tent pitchers have trouble hitting the head of the spike with smooth precision.
CW: Yes, hitting the head of the spike which is 47.823 degrees into the ground is difficult, and can only be mastered by a pro.
Me: Wow a pro, I am very impressed. You must have studied numerous films or videos to gain such an understanding of this craft.
CW: No, it's just an inborn instinct I have.
Me: I'm running out of ideas on where to go with this, besides asking you to make a personal demonstration on how to pitch a tent, you know, in case I ever run out of shelter.
CW: Ok, I'll bring one to the office tomorrow and do it in the middle of the switchboard room. That way, if any of you want to get away, you can just crawl in there and eat a Snickers.
Me: Wait a second, why am I eating the Snickers?
CW: I honestly can't tell you where that comment came from, ignore previous statement.
Me: Besides, wouldn't you be a little embarrassed doing that in front of everybody?
CW: Why be embarrassed to showcase a talent like that?
Me: How right you are! You could make a lot of money starring in your own video that demonstrated your talents.
CW: Only if it was purely demonstrational though.
Me: You can rest assured that the video will portray you in a very tasteful way. You will certainly gain my respect because sometimes even a person, who has your skill level, isn't always able to showcase those skills in front of the camera or an audience.
CW: At least you would be impressed. I could always make it into a reality show.
Me: You think you could handle that kind of a splash. Reality shows are big time stuff.
CW: Well I know for sure that this is something the public would be interested in.
Me: We should probably get started on this as soon as possible then, while the public's interest is still peaked.
CW: Hey wait a minute, what is your role in this whole thing? I need to know what you're getting credited for.
Me: What I'm getting credit for?
CW: You said we should get started on this. I'm just wondering why you think you're included in my debut?
Me: Well so far this is all talk. Now while I don't doubt the level of your skills, it is customary for an aspiring made for television tent pitcher like yourself to have a few live trials, rehearsals if you will, before performing your talent on tape. I am merely volunteering to be your assistant for your tryout and rehearsal secessions. If the executives like what they see from you, they typically replace your volunteer assistant with a professional assistant. I'm just letting you know that I'm always available to help you polish your skills before you go big time.
CW: I can't help but laugh! I throw up my hands, you win. You know, you could go into that profession though, the professional personal assistant business.
Me: This has been really, really entertaining. You're quite the quick witted gal.
CW: Thanks, that's quite the compliment.
Me: That's just the tip of the iceberg. I guess after today, you'd have to be considered very open-minded and experimental as well.
CW: I suppose one could assume that.
Me: Oh boy, on that note, I would like to extent to you an invitation to the pants party.
CW: A pants party in the particular tent I just pitched?
Me: I'm making a reference to the movie Anchorman, if you've never seen it, then that last sentence probably didn't make sense.
CW: I know you are, I was kidding.
Me: Wait a second, you mean to tell me that you've just been joking around the whole day? What a downer!
CW: Sorry, hope your day goes a little better after this huge blow, talk to you later.
I think I called her a saucy vixen after that. This was all in good fun, the co-worker is not a slut. Just two people wasting time while on company time.
Later on that day, one of the lunch ladies started to get a bit fresh with me.....
LL: Hey, you growing a beard?
Me: No, I just get a little lazy on Mondays.
LL: Well I think it would be a very nice looking beard.
Awkward pause........
Me: Thank you...............your beard is coming in nicely as well. Just kidding, she didn't have a beard.
# posted by hucklebuck @ 8:27 AM 
Comments:
<< Home
Thank you mister. There are a lot of sexual predators in my place of work and many of them enjoy feasting on me because of my timid nature and boyish good looks. But no more! Thanks for the support.
Post a Comment
<< Home
