Monday, January 23, 2006
Draft #45
Weekend Review
Friday:
After the sphincter clenching ride from work to home because of the blizzard that turned highway traffic into a carnival bumper car secession, it was time to fuel up with an entire Jack's frozen pizza and a frozen burrito to ensure a solid base was in place for the weekend ahead. And for those of you possibly thinking to yourself, "Does he really do all of his eating for the entire weekend on Friday night?" The answer to that would be, "You are an idiot." Anyway, as I was shoveling food into my face, I noticed something while watching the Bucks game. If you ever want to commit a crime, do it at Philips Arena in Atlanta during a Hawks game, no one ever goes there, you wouldn't get caught. So with a full belly and a Bucks victory seemingly within grasp, it was off to Nate's apartment to begin a night of drunken debauchery, without the promiscuity. We moseyed on over to an authentic German bar that served authentic looking/tasting beer in large glasses with handles on them. I couldn't tell you the name of the place or the name of the beer, but it all went down smoothly enough.
I was minding my own business in the corner of the bar when all of a sudden a dastardly looking fellow gave me the old crooked eyes from accross the room. I didn't think much of it, till minutes later when the same feller tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Listen here you son of a bitch, I. Don't. Like. You." [Me], "Not sure we've met, my name is Andy" [Guy] "I don't care if yer name was Lickady Splickady, I'm a gunna put a hurtin on yo ass." [Me] "That's odd, I don't believe I've shagged your mother, what did you say your name was again?" [Guy], "The name's Jethro, and I ain't got no mama." [Me] "Well do me a favor then Jethro, and tell the pack of wolves who raised you, that they've done quite a job." [Guy] "Oh that's it, now yer really gunna get it." [Me] "Oh, I'm gunna get it, hey, well make sure not to make too big a scene while you're getting it to me" [Guy, turning red with anger] "Oh I won't....I mean.... I will.....I mean.....Ahhhhh Frupin Dossen Flopin!" [Me] "I'm sorry, come again?" [Guy] "That's German Jibberish for (you will feel much pain)" [Me] "Oh right, the beating. How's that coming along?" [Guy] "You'll find out soon enough, you useless sack of douche!" [Me] "I see. Tell'ya what Mr. Jethro, I'll be right here drinking beer, and when this beat down you keep talking about, finally gets here, you just let me know. Alright?" [Guy] "I'm gunna straight up murder your ass."
[Me] "Okay Jethro, you don't want to murder me. You're not that kind of a person. You're more of the go home by yourself and pass out in the bathtub type. And judging by the amount of balance you're exhibiting right now, I'd say you might not even make it home tonight." [Guy, as though he may begin to cry] "You don't know me!" [Me, leaning in towards friends] "This guy's fucking crazy, let's get outta here."
So Andy, Nate, and others went to a neighboring wateringhole where many more drinks were had and some drunk phonecalls were made (sorry John). I retired to bed that evening to find that the room I was in, was actually spinning. Luckily for me, there was a waste paper basket next to the bed, so I was able to make a vomit deposit before passing out. All and all it was a great weekend, I met some really, really nice people and drank a fair share of alcohol in the process. I also learned that I'm completely useless when it comes to games such as Operation and Jenga due to the not so steady hands I possess. I'm totally going to be that old guy that shakes uncontrollably as he raises his spoon to his mouth while eating, so bad in fact, that all the contents of the spoon will fall out and back onto the plate before the spoon ever hits my mouth. I will make for a very frustrated and hungry elderly man.
Special thanks: To the keepers of the Mort, for allowing us to trash your bar and scream obscenities through the wee early moring hours. Definitely good times. And to Nate, for his hair. And to Nate's lady, for providing the spinning bed.
# posted by hucklebuck @ 11:00 AM 
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The thing about drunk dialing the west coast is that you have to remember that I am two hours behind you. I never mind a drunk dial because I can just return the favor two hours later when I'm going to bed. Anyways, Nate owes me a couple dozen so I'll subtract that one off of his list.
I may have professed my love for you at some point in the rant. Sorry for any awkwardness that may have caused.
I am definitely behind in the drunk calling. The problem is I always try and hold off until 4:00am so I can get you at the end of the night, but I rarely make it that late. By the way, I haven't been told to go to bed in a while, so my weekends are extremely long, maybe that's why I'm so tired on Mondays
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