Thursday, February 02, 2006
Draft #51
One of my fondest memories as a child growing up in West Bend, Wisconsin was flagging down police cars during the summertime in hopes of receiving some free Brewers baseball cards. These trading cards were unlike normal baseball cards in many ways. First off, these cards were a promotional item the Brewers gave away on a select date during the season, if you were a fan that was thirteen years old or younger, and you attended that particular game, you were probably given the entire team set. Unfortunately, unlike real baseballs cards, these trading cards were absolutely worthless. They were almost twice as big as normal cards and bended twice as easily. And while regular baseball cards had statistics on the back, the police issued cards had advice for kids on the back warning us against the dangers of drugs and violating particular traffic codes. Now if you were lucky to flag down an officer and he had enough cards on hand, he would usually give you 2-4 cards depending on how nice the guy was or how eager they were to get rid of their stash. I can still picture the officer thumbing through his massive pile of cards, carefully selecting each one to make sure that I wouldn't get any duplicates. After all, you don't want to send a kid home crying because you gave him two Charlie O' Brien's.
Perhaps these profound messages on the back of the cards is what kept me on the straight and narrow all these years, but I highly doubt it. I can't remember what the messages were like but I know most of them had a Hulkster type tone to them. "Say your prayers, take your vitamins, work real hard, yadda, yadda, yadda." So today I thought I would put together some bits of advice that I think the current Brewers might give out to youngsters if the old police cards were put back into circulation this season.
Ben Sheets says:
As a kid growing up I had a lot of older people telling me that I shouldn't throw a curveball because I was too young and that my muscles weren't developed yet. Do you know what I told those people? I'd say, "Look buddy, if I'm going to pitch in the majors someday, I've got to have a nasty curveball. Show me a pitcher in the Bigs right now who's throwing nothing but fastballs and I'll show you a guy who's about to be unemployed really damn soon. So do me a favor and mind your own damn business old man!" Now I don't know what that guy is up to these days, but I'm pretty sure he didn't make six million dollars last season cleaning toilets, that's for damn sure. Do you know how many happy meals you can buy with six million dollars? I don't know either, but I'm pretty sure it's a shit load.Brady Clark says:
Believe it or not, as a kid I had a lovely head of hair. It was so thick and lush that people would actually compliment me on my curly mop. But sometime around the eleventh grade I started losing all my hair, lock by golden brown lock. For awhile I didn't know what to do about it, I just sulked and became a very bitter person. So kids, if you ever grow up to find out that you are losing your hair, just remember this. Since I was balding in high school already, I looked like I was about 27 years old, and consequently I became the most popular kid in my class. And while purchasing alcohol for minors is illegal, it will however, make you cool. And who doesn't want to be cool?Geoff Jenkins says:
You'd probably be surprised to find out that since 1998 I've hit more than 30 home runs in a single season only once. And in that same time I've batted over .300 twice, never driven in a 100 runs in a season, scored a 100 runs in a season once, and I've never played an entire season. Yet surprisingly, I make almost as much money as Vladmir Guerrero, go figure? Remember kids, never underestimate the power of a weak free agent market, it just may be your ticket to the big time. I'm so rich I don't have to brush my teeth anymore! Oh and don't chew tobacco, that stuff is bad for you.
Prince Fielder says:
Growing up as the son of a Major League Baseball player wasn't as glamorous as you think it'd be. Dad would always let me on the field to shag flyballs and even let me take some batting practice if time allowed. I'd have to go down into the locker room and rub elbows with the players before the game and then sit in expensive club level seating during the game, downing all the nachos and footlongs a kid could handle. Then after the game, dad would drive us back to our mansion in the new foreign sports car he had just purchased, and now that I think of it, being the son of Cecil Fielder was pretty cool. So kids, if at all possible, try to have a father that plays Major League Baseball, you'll be glad he did.
Getting hit by a pitch is never any fun especially in the majors when the pitches are being hurled towards you at over 90 mph. But in little league, sometimes leaning into a stray curveball is your only choice. Not every kid can sock one over the fence at will and in most cases you're probably the kid that chews on his glove while kicking dandelions in right field. So next time you're at the plate in a tight situation, do us all a favor and don't blow it for once, take one for the team. I know it hurts, but it only stings for a little bit. Stop being a pansy and try acting like a man for a change. Remember kids, you only get so many chances to be in the spotlight, so don't miss YOUR time to shine.
Andy Tappa had nothing on us!
<< Home
