Friday, February 03, 2006
Draft #52
Today is about laying down all the many reasons that the Steelers will win Super Bowl 40, and none of them have anything to do with a statistical analysis or Jerome Bettis.If there were such a thing as "football gods", I'm pretty sure they wouldn't do something as evil as allowing my home teams former coach, Mike Holmgren and former backup quarterback, Matt Hasselbeck, to win a Super Bowl, especially in a season in which the Packers resembled a Pop Warner team comprised of a band of disinterested third graders. That would be just too cruel.
Speaking of coaches, who would you rather see win a Super Bowl? The ever boring Mike Holmgren or the tough as nails, snarling, ya-hooing, rah rah, fist pumping Bill Cowher? Personally, I'd like to see Bill and his mustache win one finally, and he seems like a nice enough guy, so yeah. Plus when it comes to the post game celebration, who would be more fun to watch? Mike Holmgren walking slowly to midfield with a shit-eating grin on his face, or Bill Cowher racing to midfield will a boyish exuberance, having already shotgunned two beers? Cowher might actually grab one of the yardage markers and ride it around the field like a horse, taking momentary breaks to bust out his imaginary six shooters to let everyone know that Cowher is a cowboy. Or....he'll just sob like a baby with his wife and daughters, either way, it will be more emotional than whatever Holmgren would do. Mike would probably start jotting down a few new ideas for the rules committee, "Note to self, make it illegal for opposing quarterbacks to wear glove on throwing hand when playing indoors."
In my opinion, the Steeler's jerseys are one of the snazziest in all of football. Any franchise that is willing to stick their neck out and say, "Yeah, we only need our logo on one side of our helmet" are winners in my book. The Seahawks have a tendency to wear their dark home jersey along with their dark pants, and that's just tacky. This phenomenon started picking up steam around six or seven years ago and I don't like it one bit. I can let it slide when it comes to wearing white jerseys with white pants, but I'm not comfortable doing it. So keep your eyes pealed come Sunday, if the Seahawks are wearing dark with dark, they will lose by at least five touchdowns, guaranteed. And what the hell is a Seahawk anyway? I know what steel is, it's hard and if dropped on my head from a relatively high point, it will kill me or at the very least give me a mother of a headache and quite possibly lead me to a life of being spoon fed by a large women with four chins. That's something I fear, but a Seahawk? How am I supposed to react when encountering such a creature? Should I run as if my life is depending on it, or should I stand and admire it for awhile? Advantage, Pittsburgh.
Another problem I have with Seattle is that I still look at them as being more of an AFC team. I'm not sure I can deal with having two AFC teams playing in the Super Bowl, my internal processor can't compute this all yet, so Pittsburgh being the elder statesmen of the AFC, will win by default, naturally. The Seahawks shouldn't be allowed in another Super Bowl for at least twenty years, this would give them plenty of time to rub off any affiliation they previously had with the AFC, and hopefully by that time my processor will be updated and void of any recollection of Seattle's prior conference habitation. Here's something to chew on, would the Seahawks have done anything special this year if they were still in the AFC West? My sources say no! I still think of Seattle as being one of the league's doormats and hopefully this weekend's crushing defeat at the hands of the Steelers will be the first step of their journey back to the bottom of the pile.
Since the game is being played in Detroit, the Steeler fans don't have very far to travel and I trust they will arrive in absolute hoards with bellies full of Yuengling and Iron City light, wearing hardhats and waving their terrible towels. Seattle, being on the other side of the planet, makes for a very lengthy road trip so I would assume most of them will pass on making any travel arrangements. And even if some of the Seahawk's fans actually make the journy, what kind of fire will they be bringing with them. It's always raining in Seattle, so they'll probably show up depressed and full from cramming too many lattes down their pieholes. This isn't even fair, they might as well just play this one at Heinz Field. Plus on a side note, the Seahawk's fans will have all the air taken out of their tires on Seattle's very first offensive possession of the game when a blitzing Troy Polamalu clotheslines Hasselbeck's head clean off his body with Joey Porter right behind him to punt the still spinning skull into the stands. That would be a rough start to recover from. Advantage, Pittsburgh.
And finally, the big reason I hope Seattle loses and loses big is because of Shaun Alexander. First off, he stole the MVP award from its rightful owner, Peyton Manning (Peyton is one of my favorite players, so I'm still bitter, and never mind the fact that Pittsburgh was the team that knocked Peyton out of the playoffs, I'm well aware of that). Secondly, I just don't think he's that good, and I know the numbers say otherwise but he just doesn't look the part. He seems like he should be slow and clunky and he looks nothing like your prototypical running back, and I hope this will be the stage in which he will be exposed for being nothing more than a poor man's Stephen Davis who happened to be in a contract year. If this sack of crap gains more than fifty yards I would be completely shocked.
Final Outcome: Steelers 55 Seahawks 13 (Jerramy Stevens scores Seattle's lone touchdown and Joey Porter becomes impressed that a guy from the punt team could actually do something like that)
# posted by hucklebuck @ 6:26 AM 
Comments:
<< Home
The Steelers have the logo only on one side of their helmets because when the ownership was deciding on a logo, they dindn't know if they would like it or not. So, in order to see what it would look like with the logo on and with it still black, they decided to have the logo on one side so they could see it in action and be able to instantly compare the two styles. It turns out the ownership liked the half and half design the best.
Not to mention I posted a photo of the game's eventual MVP, just had a hunch. I told Seattle not to wear the dark on dark, but did they listen? Noooooooo!
Post a Comment
<< Home
