Monday, February 06, 2006
Draft #53
Weekend Review:Friday: As is the custom, I went to pick up some takeout after work since I deprive myself of such luxuries the whole week. After much deliberation, I decided to take my business to Arby's to take advantage of their two fish sandwiches for four dollars (note: The only time I go to Arby's is when they have a special, I think their combo meals currently retail at about $10.99). Much to my surprise, there wasn't a soul in the drive thru and my food was waiting for me as soon as I pulled up to the window, which makes me feel a little uneasy, since nobody could possibly make a fish samich that quickly, let alone two. Worried I may not have ordered enough grub to satisfy my man sized appetitte, I decided to make another pit stop at McDonalds before heading back home. The drive thru line was wrapped around the building but I decided to endure the wait, after all I had absolutely nothing going on that night and time was on my side. After a few minutes of the line not moving, I started to feel the pain that is mostly associated with hunger. I had to do something fast or I would soon find myself gnawing on the interior of my Honda Accord and nothing is more unattractive than having teeth marks in your seats. My stomach was urging me to grab one of the sandwiches out of the Arby's bag, but my conscience was reminding me of the shame that goes along with getting caught eating an Arby's sandwich while waiting in line to get more food at a neighboring McDonalds drive thru. But then it hit me, what could be more American than that!
Some people are over seas fighting for our country, others are scrapping through garbage bins, looking for a morsel of food to help them survive the day and then there's me, feeding my face with a fish sandwich while waiting in a drive thru line at McDonalds. The advertising people had gotten to me all week long, so I knew I was there to purchase their new spicy premium chicken sandwich. But I had a major decision to make, do I order the sandwich, fries, and coke or just get two sandwiches since I already hammered down one of my fish sandwiches before I even got to the window. This particular McDonalds has two electronic order boxes, the first of which I was under the impression that it was out of order. When I pulled up next to the first one, I heard a voice asking me "How can I help you?" Thinking I had at least another two cars to make up my mind, I completely panicked and went with the combo. But luckily for me, a minute or two passed and nothing showed up on the screen and I didn't hear the voice again to confirm my order, so I advanced over to the second order box with the slyness of a black cat crossing the street in the middle of a foggy night. With a fish sandwich riding shotgun and a newly cleaned slate, I ordered the two chicken sandwiches with the pride of a billion Americans.
I went home and completely demolished the three sandwiches and hung my head in shame for what I had just done. Wallowing in self disgust, I decided to wash the meal down with three vodka tonics and two rum n'cokes throughout the duration of my viewing of the major motion picture, the Notebook. By the end of the movie I was convinced I will die a lonely man. Holy crap, did I just admit to voluntarily watching the Notebook? Oh, I'm gonna catch bloody hell for this one. Oh big deal, you think you're better than me? Oh of course you don't drink alone, you're so sophisticated with your "friends" and your "social gatherings". I can't even remember what I did the rest of the evening, alls I remember is giggling a lot when my roommate came home and I think he could tell I was drunk, the jig was up at that point.
Saturday: Woke up, never left the apartment for the entire day, went to sleep. Thought taking a shower might have been necessary since it was a Saturday and all, turns out it wasn't. I showered for no apparent reason! Talk about your monumental wastes of time. Somebody that day probably discovered the formula for an antidote to some debilitating disease and the only thing I took away from Saturday is that I hate the look that old ladies get when they win a round of Bingo. I can't stand it when old women win at Bingo. They're so smug about it! It's a game of chance, you didn't do anything special Ethel, so stop waving your arms around like you're some sort of big hero.
Sunday: Went to church with my sister, hung out, watched the Super Bowl, noticed Joe Montana was unavailable to participate in the past Super Bowl MVP's introduction ceremony before the game. Where were you Joe? You're too good for this? Phil Simms was there, where were you? That's the last time I purchase anything from the McCormick Grill Mates collection, you miserable bastard. He was probably still up in his room masterbating (old SNL joke). And as mad as I was that Montana wasn't there, I was equally steamed that Tom Brady had anything to do with the coin toss. Why was he the honorary anything? He's still in the league, and the last time I checked he was supposed to be having some sort of hernia surgery. He should be at home, beating himself up for not leading his team to the Super Bowl, shouldn't he? That wasn't very classy of you Tom Brady, not at all. The Super Bowl wasn't being played in Foxboro, it was in Detroit and I'm glad they boo-ed your ass, nobody outside of New England gives a rats ass about you. It was like watching the Patrick Swayze/Chris Farley skit on SNL when they were trying out for the last Chip n Dale's spot. The committee had already selected Swayze, but Farley was still trying to show off a couple of last second moves to sway the hiring committee into changing their minds. That's the kind of denile Tom Brady was displaying by being at the Super Bowl. "Hey everybody, remember me, I'm Tom Brady. When you think of Super Bowls, think of Tom Brady." No Tom, no, you're not in the Super Bowl this year, we decided to go with a couple of different teams this year. You were eliminated weeks ago. Yeah, it was kinda like that. I'm submitting this analogy to Bill Simmons mailbag.
This week in basketball:
Monday: Bucks @ Cavs
Tuesday: n/a
Wednesday: UW vs. Indiana/ Bucks vs. Magic
Thursday: UWM vs. Youngstown St.
Friday: n/a
Saturday: UWM @ Cleveland St. / UW @ Penn St./ Bucks vs. Bobcats
Sunday: Marquette @ Rutgers/ Bucks @ Nets
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