Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Draft #55
After seeing the Burger King advertisement during the Super Bowl, I started having some flashbacks to my high school days as an employee of this fine franchise. I was especially taken back by the part of the commercial that proclaimed how Burger King is extra pleased to take special orders. I would like to set the record straight on this little motto of theirs, it's complete bull shit. But before I explain why, let's take a little trip through memory lane, Burger King style.
I was a freshman and due to after school practices my six year run as a paperboy was coming to an end. I had to find new employment, so I applied to a few local establishments but due to my limited availability I wasn't getting a lot of positive feedback. But there was one place in town that was hiring, the home of the Whopper baby. I think the interview lasted about two minutes in the dining room and went something like this from what I recall:
Manager: Have you ever been in jail?
Me: No
Manager: Would you like to work in the front or the back?
Me: The back
Manager: Did you bring your social security card?
Me: Right here
Manager: Welcome aboard. What's your pants size?
Me: A 36 comfortably, but I can fit into a 34.
Manager: Ah look, a 35.
Me: Perfect
I figured I wasn't ready for the pressure of being in the spotlight, front and center manning the register, so the kitchen seemed like a perfect fit (maybe no one will know I work here then). I started out working the grill, the absolute bottom of the totem pole. The grill is basically like what you see at Quizno's, a conveyer belt type setup where the burgers are moving across an open flame and plop out on the other end. The buns are sent through in the same fashion, just not over an open flame. Once the burgers and buns came out the other end, we would use the tongues to set the burger inbetween the buns and then set the plain burger in the steamer, to keep it warm until it was time to dress it up with the fixings.
I eventually graduated to the sandwich board where the Whoppers and other burgers were constructed. The setup was a lot like Subway, I had a long counter in front of me in which to operate with all the fixings right behind that, like a salad bar. I had a couple of microwaves on a shelf above the fixings at eye level, with the steamer to the right of me. Behind me was the deep friers and the specialty board where the non-hamburger sandwiches were made. To the left, was the chute that the final product slid down, and above the chute hanging from the ceiling, was the dreaded order screen.
This is where my hatred for special orders came in. Next time you order a sandwich from Burger King, you might notice on the wrapper, the numbers 1-12 (representing each number on a clock) with one of the numbers having a line going through it. When a sandwich is made, you have to cross off the number on the wrapper that the minute hand will be on in ten minutes (cause that's the max amount of time the burgers are supposed to be on the chute). The managers were the ones that decided how many burgers were to be on the level (the chute), depending on what time of day it was, and how busy we're supposed to be. I would usually mark the burgers for fifteen minutes because I was lazy and I didn't want to see any of my work go to waste since they threw out any burgers that weren't sold before the ten minute expiration.
So say I'm working during lunch, and on the screen I see a Whopper no pickle. I couldn't just take one of the pre-made Whoppers from the chute, open it up, and pick the pickles off. We have to start from scratch and build your ass a new Whopper. So if you want a fresh burger from Burger King, or most fast food joints, just make a slight alteration to your order because you never know how long that burger has been sitting under a heat lamp after it was made (thanks to lazy employees like myself). And that's not to mention the amount of time the burger has been sitting in the steam bath before it was even made. I can't even remember the maximum amount of time the burgers were supposed to be in the steam bin because we just let those suckers sit in there forever, we didn't care if they were soggy. What do you think this is, a Ruby Tuesdays?
And if you know of a fast food joint that has a habbit of serving stale or soggy fries, ask if you can get your fries unsalted. A) The whole place might shut down and panic. "What do you mean, you don't want salt on your fries, I'll have to ask my manager." B) They'll probably have to make a fresh batch, and you'll get your fries piping hot and extra crispy. Just ask for a few extra salt packets and they'll look at you like you were crazy, but at least your fries will be good.
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