Thursday, February 09, 2006
Draft #56
Enough of the Tom Foolery, it's time for a little Chuck Woolery! It's time to look back on some of the best bachelor introductions from the popular 80's dating television program, the Love Connection. But before we do, here's a little information to help you get updated on what Chuck has been doing:
Here's Chuck:
-he's a born again Christian
-has his own line of motorized fishing lures
-has been married three times and has eight children
-enjoys playing Poker for charity
-and says being a game show host for over thirty years is starting to get old
Can you picture Chuck sitting in that plush couch with the eager bachlorette? Then the screen flashing to the still frame of the next bachelor as Chuck rattles off his short bio of information? Well this is how I remember the show. So here's some sample bio's:
Here's Steve:
-he's currently unemployed
-holds numerous recreation league basketball records
-claims to have eaten a 55 oz steak
-enjoys cruising the strip in his hometown of Newburg
-and says there isn't anybody that can stop him when he's in the zone
Here's Bob:
-he works as an independant contractor
-never kisses on the first date
-once received Bee Arthur's autograph at a Golden Girls convention
-enjoys having political conversations
-and says if he ever meets the right girl, he promises to squeeze her fresh orange juice every morning
Here's Derrick:
-he's a camp instructor
-has a colorful canoe collection
-has fallen victim to poison ivey on more than one occasion
-enjoys watching Leave it to Beaver marathons
-and says there isn't anything he can't do with a ball of yawn
Here's Martin:
-he ain't nobodies bitch
-is proud of his dragon tattoo
-has spent time in the local penitentiary for a crime he didn't commit
-enjoys hustling suckers and lifting weights
-and says one day, he's gunna getch ya
Here's Levi:
-he's a certified public account
-owns two yachts
-has been accused of penny pinching
-enjoys completing tax returns
-and says women frighten him more than the Boogie man and government audits combined
Here's Raul:
-he works in the lawncare industry
-gets excited around peen-yatas
-has great hand-eye coordination
-enjoys a homemade tor-teela
-and says his mother makes the best ones
Here's Chipper:
-he works as a hair designer at the local beauty salon
-has over 22 pairs of shoes
-doesn't kiss and tell............often
-enjoys popsicles
-and says he's seen the movie Brokeback Mountain at least nineteen times
Here's Barry:
-he works in his local grocer's freezer department as a stock boy
-he's 43 years old and twice divorced to the same woman
-has had bad luck in relationships
-enjoys eating Good Humor ice cream treats
-and says his band, the Dudley Quartet, is the tops
Here's Arthur:
-he's retired
-has an overactive bladder
-served as his town supervisor in 1977, 78, and again in 85.
-enjoys any day that his hemroids don't flare up
-and says most women would describe him as electric
Here's Jerry:
-he's a farmer by trade
-owns a John Deer tractor
-trys not to get too attached to the pigs he raises
-enjoys Sunday morning breakfast's cooked by his wife Marla
-and says he's on the show today to find a good woman for his son, Jerry Jr.
Here's Tom:
-He's a physical education instructor
-who graduated from Stout University in only six short years
-can bench twice his body weight
-enjoys taking his frustations out on kids who don't shower after gym class by making them swim laps
-and says he could have been a great quarterback if he didn't blow his knee out during Homecoming
Here's the Brad:
-he's a used car salesman
-has been confused as a member of the Bee Gees more times than he cares to count
-he can rev your engine, whether lady or car
-enjoys making the big sale
-and says you can't boogie down, without your collar up
Here's Chuck:-he's a born again Christian
-has his own line of motorized fishing lures
-has been married three times and has eight children
-enjoys playing Poker for charity
-and says being a game show host for over thirty years is starting to get old
Can you picture Chuck sitting in that plush couch with the eager bachlorette? Then the screen flashing to the still frame of the next bachelor as Chuck rattles off his short bio of information? Well this is how I remember the show. So here's some sample bio's:
Here's Steve:
-he's currently unemployed
-holds numerous recreation league basketball records
-claims to have eaten a 55 oz steak
-enjoys cruising the strip in his hometown of Newburg
-and says there isn't anybody that can stop him when he's in the zone
Here's Bob:
-he works as an independant contractor
-never kisses on the first date
-once received Bee Arthur's autograph at a Golden Girls convention
-enjoys having political conversations
-and says if he ever meets the right girl, he promises to squeeze her fresh orange juice every morning
Here's Derrick:
-he's a camp instructor
-has a colorful canoe collection
-has fallen victim to poison ivey on more than one occasion
-enjoys watching Leave it to Beaver marathons
-and says there isn't anything he can't do with a ball of yawn
Here's Martin:
-he ain't nobodies bitch
-is proud of his dragon tattoo
-has spent time in the local penitentiary for a crime he didn't commit
-enjoys hustling suckers and lifting weights
-and says one day, he's gunna getch ya
Here's Levi:
-he's a certified public account
-owns two yachts
-has been accused of penny pinching
-enjoys completing tax returns
-and says women frighten him more than the Boogie man and government audits combined
Here's Raul:
-he works in the lawncare industry
-gets excited around peen-yatas
-has great hand-eye coordination
-enjoys a homemade tor-teela
-and says his mother makes the best ones
Here's Chipper:
-he works as a hair designer at the local beauty salon
-has over 22 pairs of shoes
-doesn't kiss and tell............often
-enjoys popsicles
-and says he's seen the movie Brokeback Mountain at least nineteen times
Here's Barry:
-he works in his local grocer's freezer department as a stock boy
-he's 43 years old and twice divorced to the same woman
-has had bad luck in relationships
-enjoys eating Good Humor ice cream treats
-and says his band, the Dudley Quartet, is the tops
Here's Arthur:
-he's retired
-has an overactive bladder
-served as his town supervisor in 1977, 78, and again in 85.
-enjoys any day that his hemroids don't flare up
-and says most women would describe him as electric
Here's Jerry:
-he's a farmer by trade
-owns a John Deer tractor
-trys not to get too attached to the pigs he raises
-enjoys Sunday morning breakfast's cooked by his wife Marla
-and says he's on the show today to find a good woman for his son, Jerry Jr.
Here's Tom:
-He's a physical education instructor
-who graduated from Stout University in only six short years
-can bench twice his body weight
-enjoys taking his frustations out on kids who don't shower after gym class by making them swim laps
-and says he could have been a great quarterback if he didn't blow his knee out during Homecoming
Here's the Brad:
-he's a used car salesman
-has been confused as a member of the Bee Gees more times than he cares to count
-he can rev your engine, whether lady or car
-enjoys making the big sale
-and says you can't boogie down, without your collar up
# posted by hucklebuck @ 12:24 PM 
