Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Draft #68
Random Questions
Has Reece's crossed the line by introducing their new caramel filled peanut butter cups? I think they have, but I will not protest against finding them in my Easter basket this year. Mom said last year was the last year she'd be giving us baskets, but I've got a feeling she's going to cave in once again.
What is the proper response for someone who continues to call you "muy malo"? This lady at work keeps calling me that because I never eat anything she brings into work. She knows the rules, I laid them out months ago! No snacking at work. I am not the bad guy in this charade. I'm sure your breakfast burritos are muy bueno, pero no quierdo any por favor. Step off senorita!
This same lady tried making me wear beads today. I said that wouldn't be necessary. She said it was. Then my female boss, who happened to be nearby, says to me, "So you're not a bead guy?" while winking at me. Is that wrong? Were my feelings of discomfort appropriate? Does she think I'm gay now? Was it too much to assume that since I don't want beads, she might automatically think I want nothing to do with females removing their tops?
Has anyone else ever been burned by asking someone what that crap on their forehead was on an Ash Wednesday? I didn't realize people did that until college.
Have you ever confused a male for a female when working as a gas station attendant? I know I have, and let me tell you, there is no easy way of working yourself out of that jam. It makes for an extremely awkward situation on both ends.
Don't you find it troubling that certain proper names are used in ways other than identifying a person? My toaster is on the Fritz. Man, I really need to use the John. Boy, you got here Justin time. He punched the guy Andy spit on him too. Just another Bill in the mail. Don't go using your Peter if you're not gunna wear a Jimmy.
Do you ever wonder what the guy from the Micro-Machines commercials is up to these days? You know, the guy that talks really fast. There's gotta be a market for someone with those skills besides a cattle auction.
Did you know that the "Time to Make the Doughnuts" guy is dead?
Is there anything more confusing than a fax machine?
Would you buy a T-shirt that said, "I spilled marinara right there-ah" with an arrow pointing to a marinara stain? Just asking.
Do you think there's ever been a lady that's wondered whether or not Robo Cop had a Robo penis? There's a lot of freaks out there.
When did Little Caesar's stop delivering? Why was I the last to know? Does anyone want to go to Rocky Rococo's with me? Who would steal thirty bag of lunches?
Did you see the recent consumer report regarding Hot Pockets? The report indicates that individuals who've consumed more than twenty Hot Pockets within the last four months have a 92% chance for kidney failure, cardiac arrest, and blindness all within two weeks of consuming that amount of product. Trying to curve the problem by eating Lean Pockets will only result in serious cases of anal seepage and numerous unidentifiable toe nail funguses. (I prefer fungeses over fungi)
Why doesn't Mr. T have his own cereal anymore?
Did you see the Arby's commercial with the skinny Hulk Hogan? Genious! Whatcha gonna do?
Was the character Mr. Belvedere really a gay butler? Was it an assumption we the viewing audience were supposed to make? Or was he an openly gay butler? I caught a piece on I Love the 80's about this show and I thought they were discussing this topic but I wasn't sure. If he was, that part of the show completely passed me by as a 7 year old viewer.
So the he/she likes to stuff it's goods snuggly in his famunda region and wear the occasional high heel or halter top. Is that really such a crime? Should he/she be persecuted for showing more interest in butt plugs than he does in spark plugs. Should he/she be mocked, merely for having a nude, life-sized poster of Eric Estrada in his living quarters?
Yeah, you're probably right, but let's not tease this poor fellow-rina to the point where he/she is forced to dish out punishing blows to your friends.
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