Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Draft #69
The Adventures of the Dollar Menu Man:
This is a story about a man named Harold Brunard. Harold is a simple man who knows what he wants when it comes to food. He wants it fast, hot and/or fresh, and he prefers that it be under a dollar. You could say he carries a tight wallet and that he thinks anyone would be foolish to pay more than $5 for any given meal. Harold also believes in using proper diction (or at least sounding like he does) and always carrying a cane, even if you are not disabled because you just never know when you'll need a cane. Plus it gives you a very distinguished look, even if you are far from having any decore.
Harold believes that every morning should start with a nice hearty breakfast. And to feed his robust appetite, Harold has decided to visit his neighborhood McDonalds.
Cashier: Good morning, welcome to McDonalds, how may I help you?
Harold: Good morning indeed my good man. I assume all is well with you?
Cashier: I guess so.
Harold: Oustanding! Today I will be ordering from the dollar menu.
Cashier: (staring blankly at Harold, for no one has ever announced that they would be ordering from a dollar menu in his four years of working at McDonalds)
Harold: I will have your egg and bacon sandwich on an english muffin please and let's not forget the cheese. I will also have a short stack of pancakes with an extra side of syrup, two of your delicious hashbrowns and a tall order of your freshest coffee.
Cashier: Will this be for here or to go?
Harold: I have chosen to dine in at your fine establishment this morning. I've got my sights set on the booth in the corner, next to the playground entrance.
Cashier: O.......K, your total comes to $8.49.
Harold: (appauled) I believe there's been a mistake my good man, for you see, I had ordered from the dollar menu and my purchase could not have been more than five dollars.
Cashier: Yeah, I thought you were just fucking around with me. There's no dollar menu for our breakfast items.
Harold: This is an outrage! I have seen your advertisement promoting your dollar menu on television numerous times, and I find your decloration to be preposterous! I demand that you convene with your managerial staff immediately and come to some sort of resolution to this most troubling of issues. I have been a longstanding patron of the McDonald's franchise and I'm sure that headquarters would be displeased to hear of the level of service I am currently receiving. And do not be dismissed, for I am not above alerting them of our situation!
Cashier: Look man, I told you, there's no dollar menu for breakfast items. You just rambled a bunch of items off the menu and assumed that they were all a dollar a piece. What I can do, is have you take a look at some of our value meal selections and maybe that could help bring your total down to the price you're looking for.
Harold: (perplexed and stroking his chin) I am interested in this value meal you speak of. Please, tell me more.
Cashier: (sighing heavily in disgust) Are you serious?
Harold: But of course, I am most intrigued.
Cashier: Well basically we've pre-combined certain sandwiches with a hashbrown and a drink and set it at a certain price and designated it with a particular number. So let's see.... your order looked like number 5 on our value meal menu, so we'll just charge you a little more for the large coffee, the extra hashbrown, and with the pancakes your new total comes to $6.72. Will that work for you this morning?
Harold: It will certainly not! You have insulted me and everyone here with your value meals. This is the opposite of a value. This is a mockery! I have had it with your shenanigans! I used to think this restaurant actually stood for something. Have you absolutely no moral fiber!? I am simply trying to order breakfast, NOT a used automobile. It saddens me to say this, but you leave me no choice. I will be taking my business across the street to the good people at Wendy's. I'm sure they appreciate courteous customers like myself.
Cashier: Wendy's doesn't serve breakfast.
Harold: Damn you! I won't believe a word of it! After all the misleading information you've given me this day, how am I to believe that a place like Wendy's (rich in quality and professionalism), is actually depleted of all its breakfast delicacies?
Cashier: Just go please, you're holding up the line sir.
So Harold up and left, taking his business across the street to Wendy's. The cashier kept a close eye on what was happening across the street and he noticed that Harold had been talking to one of their cashiers for over twenty minutes. Harold shook his cane a few times and pointed a finger or two, but seemed to be in control of his emotions. The cashier never saw Harold again.
# posted by hucklebuck @ 8:06 AM 
Comments:
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Is this one of those "did you stop beating your wife" statements? Cuz if I say thank you in response to your comment, I would be admitting to copying you. But if I say that imitation line about flattery is complete bullshit, then I've just insulted you, when you were trying to be nice. What. a. pickle.
Not only have I not eaten there before, I've never heard of the place. I did however see a flying V this morning. Gotta love migration!
Unlimited steak fries? Who's running this place, the devil?
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Unlimited steak fries? Who's running this place, the devil?
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