Hucklebuck Writes a Muck

During his first major unemployment stint in the late 70's and early 80's, Stenson actually tried applying as a bartender at the strip club he used to manage but was denied employment due to the five DWI's he received in the early 70's AND because of the numerous restraining orders most of the dancers at the Barn Door & More had against him. Ollie actually lived on the streets for a few years before the winter of 1982 when things finally started to make a turn for the better. It was then, that Ollie decided to audition at the open tryout being held at the Greensville Elementary gymnasium for the World Wrestling Federation. The WWF was losing some of its superstars like Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse "The Body" Ventura to retirement and they were in desperate need for some new blood. Ollie impressed the WWF talent scouts with his version of the piledriver that he perfected during his days in the streets. His version, involved holding his opponent over one of his shoulders before delivering the powerful drive to the mat. This crippling manuever was later cleverly named the Boulder Function and it brought Ollie instant notoriety as a force in the WWF.

Sadly though, Ollie's career was cut short by a knee injury he incurred while trying to body slam Andre the Giant in an exhibition bout in Canada. He never recovered and quietly retired in the spring of 1989. Ollie earned a pretty decent sized living during his years in the WWF and he was looking for another venture to sink his teeth into. It was the turn of a new decade and bowling was rapidly becoming one of the most popular forms of entertainment for males, ages 27-45 who lived in regions with winter like conditions that lasted for 5-6 months a year in predominantly Republican voting states. Ollie knew the trends and statistics and desperately wanted a piece of the action. He overpaid for a bowling alley previously owned by a German immigrant who wasn't letting go of his pride and joy without a very fair price. It took 3/4 of his savings, but the alley was now Ollie's, Ollie's Alley. He thought he could make his alley even more successful by coming up with a gimic. Miniature "duck" bowling was already a huge fad and "bumper" bowling was something relatively new being tried by some of the alleys in neighboring cities, but he wanted something original, mind blowing, and never before seen or heard of, by anyone, ever.

Unfortunately for Ollie, when it came time to dip into the old idea bank, he stuck with what he knew. And soon almost every staff member at Ollie's Alleys was female and scantily dressed in outfits only the devil himself could have designed. He instituted wet T-shirt Tuesdays, mud Westling Wednesdays, and two for one lap dance Thursdays. Ollie was attracting huge crowds of people, and it looked like his investment was really starting to payoff. Having been a former strip club manager, one would think that Ollie would be aware of the licenses required to turn his bowling alley into a nudie bar, but he managed to overlook that formality and it wasn't long before the authorities caught wind of Ollie's secret operation. In the end, it was found that Ollie violated 17 ordinances, he lost the alley, he lost his money, and he even had to serve time in the county jail.

Ollie finally got back on his feet in 1998, and was free from his inhouse service to the penitentiary but still had some community service to finish up. He was allowed to become a high school football assistant coach but quickly walked away from the game once his service time was up on account of the illegal suppliments he was providing to his players. He wanted out before people started sniffing their noses in his business again, he just couldn't handal another scandal. They say he went out on his own and started some door-to-door sales operations dealing mostly with knives and vacuum cleaners. But today, he wants more. His sites are set on the alderman's chair and I am here today to plead to you, the great citizens of Chesna, do not, I repeat, do not vote this man into office. Please think of the children. Do you want this man doping your child and forcing him or her into topless taverns whether it's as a patron or an employee? I know I don't. I encourage you to look at the path this man has taken through his life, and ask yourself why a man that cannot even manage his own life, should be able to have a hand in running yours. It doesn't make sense. The man has a problem with alcohol, he's spent almost ten years of his adult life being unemployed, he may be the most sexually immoral human being alive, he's been in prison, he's injected teenagers with harmful steroids, and if this doesn't turn your stomach then may God have mercy on your soul, he once stole a tricycle from a five-year girl wearing a flower dress and pigtails. He stole it from her in broad daylight. The man is a menace to society! A MENACE I tell you. He crumbled under the weight of Andre the Giant and he'll crumble under the weight of our fair town. I trust you'll do the right thing in November because I trust this town and all we stand for. Vote Bill Snorski this November and you'll be glad you didski.

Message paid for by Bill Snorski and the Snorski campaign team.

# posted by hucklebuck @ 6:45 AM