Monday, April 24, 2006
Draft #88
Sometimes there's angels in the outfield, other times you'll have women in the dugout.Over the weekend, former Mets first baseman and now television analyst caught a little flack for his recent comments about a female being in the Padres dugout.
"Who is the girl in the dugout, with the long hair?" Hernandez said. "What's going on here? You have got to be kidding me. Only player personnel in the dugout."
Hernandez found out later in the broadcast that Kelly Calabrese was part of the Padres training staff.
"I won't say that women belong in the kitchen, but they don't belong in the dugout," Hernandez said.
Later he laughed and said, "You know I am only teasing. I love you gals out there -- always have."
And there you have it folks, Keith Hernandez loves the ladies. So put down the torches and pitchforks and your ESPN polls asking whether or not Keith should be fired for his comments because none of it is necessary. The guy won eleven gold glove awards, a league MVP award, and a World Series title. If Keith Hernandez says that ladies shouldn't be in the dugout, then ladies shouldn't be in the dugout, end of story. He shouldn't have to make numerous apologies to cater to everyone's feelings. They call it the dugout for a reason people, Don't, Under any circumstances, Give women, Or flamboyantly gay men, Unauthorized or authorized access, To the bench area. Keith was just simply reading the guidlines straight from the baseball handbook. You know, the handbook that discusses why it's not OK to cry, why you should never talk to a pitcher when he's in the middle of a no-hitter, why the foul pole is called the foul pole and not the fair pole, and why it's necessary to nail a batter with a fastball the inning after somebody from your team just get plunked with a high and tight heater, stuff like that.
Bottom line is this. Keith has a sweet mustache and the guy is cool under pressure, so we should all just give him the benefit of the doubt. It's not like he killed somebody.
Here is a list of things that Keith should be able to say without getting fired:
-Oh this ump. This guy has been dicking batters since I was in the league. I've told the guy to go fuck himself at least a hundred times, but old Charlie, he just calls em like he sees em. Too bad the fucker is blind.
-(camera zoomed in on unattractive woman) I didn't know it was bring your dog to the park day?
-I don't know who's responsible for assembling the Kansas City Royals, but that team sucks more than a whore, vacuuming the floor at a candy store.
-Wow, the rare 6-9 double play, you won't see that everyday. Well Bob, you are married, aren't you?
-If Pete Rose taught us anything, it's that you never bet on baseball, but I'd be willing to bet you that the blonde in the 4th row will be coming back home with me tonight. She's getting a dirty Hernandez and she don't even know it.
-Hey Bob, what do ballplayers call the groupies that hang outside our hotels? Give up? We call em Billy Buckners, cuz almost anything gets through their legs. Hey oh!!
# posted by hucklebuck @ 11:58 AM 
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All Keith ever has to say when confronted with a situation where people may want an explanation is, "I am Keith Hernandez!"
He is as close to Chuck Norris stature as one can get before spontaneously combusting do to the sheer awesomeness of being in the same breath as Chuck Norris.
He is as close to Chuck Norris stature as one can get before spontaneously combusting do to the sheer awesomeness of being in the same breath as Chuck Norris.
If I have to venture through a wild jungle full of angry Koreans, and I am allowed only one person to bring with me, then who'd you suppose I'd choose? Aside from Forrest Gump.
That's right, Chuck Norris. Now if I'm looking for a crappy home workout machine, then the same answer applies. Chuck, quite simply, can do it all.
That's right, Chuck Norris. Now if I'm looking for a crappy home workout machine, then the same answer applies. Chuck, quite simply, can do it all.
Chuck Norris even has his own calender. It is one day less as the day after March 31 is actually April 2. Why? Because no one fools Chuck Norris!
I hear Chuck Norris can grow a full beard in under 30 minutes, no lie. They say it's because he never consumed a piece of food that contained artificial additives.
A Chuck Norris hurricane can be differentiated from a normal hurricane by the presence of thunderous roundhouse kicks and a steady down pour of pain.
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