Thursday, April 27, 2006
Draft #90
Oh no he didn't.I was in the middle of taking a numero dos and I noticed something in the shower located directly in front of me. It was a bottle of Herbal Essence Shampoo, and it wasn't mine, I swear. This discovery led me to believe that the shampoo belonged to my roommate. Because as far as I know, there aren't any women currently residing in our apartment, and even if there was, there's no way any female would willingly bath in that shower, ain't no way, it's dirty, like "how did that get there?" dirty.
The label read as follows:
Revive your hair and yourself! This formula is infused with natural essences of mango, blackberry, and avocado and helps replenish moisture to the ends of dry or damaged hair. Work a thick lather into your hair and squeeze the shine and softness back. It rejuvenates lifeless tresses with softness and an irresistible tropical fragrance. Herbal Essence is also great for lubing up your "buddy's" backside and taking.... alright, that last sentence wasn't on there, but everything else was.
This description of the product should immediately have you seeing red flags (IF you are a man). If you are looking for a shampoo that not only revives your hair, but you yourself, as a person, then you may have problems that stem far beyond the repair capabilities of what a bottle of shampoo can provide. "I feel so worthless, like I'm so sad, if only there was something or someone out there to revive me, something shiny and in a bottle perhaps." And can anyone tell me what lifeless tresses are? Is there anything this product can't do? It revives, replenishes, rejuvenates, AND makes you orgasim in the shower? What's not to like?
Well for starters, Herbal Essences is made by Clairol, the very name alone should have one thinking that human contact with the product may cause you to grow a vagina. Secondly, the shampoo is purple and it is infused with the essence of mangos. No guy in his right mind should want his hair smelling like fruit. Now this isn't to say you should go out and find a shampoo called "Beef Jerky Clean", but fruit, come on, it's just plain fruity. I am ashamed to have a bottle of this garbage in my apartment, and I can only hope there is a reasonable explanation for all of this.
(Voice from afar) Hey Andy, what shampoo do you use to wash your hair? Andy answers, "Pantene Pro V of course." (Voice from afar muddles under their breath, "Yeah, that's not gay.") Andy replies, "It gives me the healthy look I crave, damn it!"
# posted by hucklebuck @ 9:03 AM 
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So is this the product you thought helped young girls grow the vaginas that caused all that bleeding in the nether regions?
Not everybody reads this blog as thoroughly as you magicrat, and they may not understand your comment.
(for context: In my youth, I used to think that girls were born without vaginas and that they developed them during puberty in a painful "splitting of the crotch" process that I thought may have been responsible for the bleeding I heard about)
So to answer your question, no I never thought shampoo played a role in women developing vaginas. But thanks for bringing my retardedness to the forefront.
(for context: In my youth, I used to think that girls were born without vaginas and that they developed them during puberty in a painful "splitting of the crotch" process that I thought may have been responsible for the bleeding I heard about)
So to answer your question, no I never thought shampoo played a role in women developing vaginas. But thanks for bringing my retardedness to the forefront.
That explains the smell then. Speaking of which, if you go down on a mermaid, does it smell like human?
Hey, anytime I can bring your retardedness to the forefront, I am more than happy to do so.
I have no idea who "vindigiorgio" is, but the Al Gore drop was outstanding, simply outstanding.
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I have no idea who "vindigiorgio" is, but the Al Gore drop was outstanding, simply outstanding.
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