Friday, April 28, 2006
Draft #91
Freestyle Fridays (Anything Goes)
-At lunch the other day I ate an apple. After finishing the apple I was tempted to turnaround, hold up the remains of the apple, and say to the person I didn't know sitting behind me, "Growing up I used to think that if you ate one of the seeds from an apple, that a tree would start growing in your stomach, but luckily for me I stopped eating paint."
I wonder what that person's reaction would have been. I'm thinking it would have ranged from a slight chuckle to a cockeyed stare that would have led to an awkward silence. It probably would have led to a promotion in all actuality.
-When I was in school, nothing topped the feeling of knowing that you were going on a field trip. I think corporate america needs to institute more field trips into their annual schedule. I can feel the walls of this office slowly collapsing in on me, taunting me with every evil cackle. I don't know what to make of all this, but I'm sure it's nothing a trip to the zoo couldn't fix. After all, nothing calms the mind or eases the nerves quite like an afternoon of watching monkies hurl feces at each other.
-The following show's theme songs would make great ring tones for my cell phone: MacGyver, Hawaii Five-O, Chips, Knight Rider, The A-Team, Dukes of Hazzard, Airwolf, and Magnum P.I.
-The following show's theme songs would NOT make for good ring tones: Punky Brewster, Golden Girls, Mash, Leave it to Beaver, Baywatch, Moon Lighting, Dynasty, and the Carol Burnett Show.
-If you think I'm not going to order an XLP from Domino's tonight for dinner, you are sadly mistaken. And if you think loneliness won't play a role in me trying to eat the whole thing in one sitting, then you are wrong again.
-Rumor has it that Steve Nash will be named the NBA league's MVP. Point me to the nearest Canadian please, I've got some spittin' to do. And if you are only going to watch one series of the opening round of the NBA playoffs, then may I suggest it be the Suns vs. the Lakers. There isn't one shot blocker on either roster, Kobe can do whatever he pleases, it's a pretty even 2 vs. 7 matchup, Luke Walton plays, both teams are young and like to run, and it's fun to watch Kobe try and act exactly like Michael Jordan. Case in point (Early on in game 2, Steve Nash and Sasha Vujacic got into a mini skirmish when Nash grabbed Sasha by the arm and pushed him during a dead ball. Kobe immediately got into Nash's face ala Jordan coming to the rescue for Scottie Pippen against the Knicks. The only difference between the two scenarios is that Jordan went nose-to-nose with a bad mother named Xavier McDaniel, and Kobe confronted a scrawny white Canadian who likes to play soccer).
Tune in tonight for game 3 from the Staples Center, if you have nothing better to do. Thus far Kobe has been trying to keep his teammates involved and his scoring average has been down a bit, but you never know when he'll just say fuck it, and take the game over himself. I've got a feeling tonight might be one of those nights, he's playing at home in his first playoff game as the Lakers unquestioned leader. Without Shaq, and with all the electricity in the air tonight, I say Kobe is almost a dead lock for 40 or more points. So if you are the type of person that likes to place prop bets (Adam I'm looking in your direction) then I'd put a sizeable amount on the over for Kobe's points scored. You'll be happy you did, I hope.
-And the answer is no. The rumors about me are simply untrue. I never appeared on the Ricki Lake Show and my mother is NOT an astronaut.
-Someday I'll learn to talk like Christopher Walken, and shortly after that I'll learn to do the robot.
-My parents are upset that Tumbleweed has an advertisement that features two cowboys kissing. I say gay cowboys are a marketing demographic that has been ignored for far too long.
-Terry Stotts needs to be fired. He's even more boring than Corey Koskie.
-A.J. Hawk better become a Packer tomorrow.
-According to Smut Magazine, Kewaskum, Wisconsin is only good for two things. Underaged girls with removable retainers, and their annual Inbreeders Festival. Or is that their 4th of July? Hard to tell.
-I once ran the 40 yard dash in 5.6 seconds.
-I once ran out of clean underwear.
-I haven't had Jolt cola in a really long time.
-My last caller didn't know how to spell Milwaukee.
-I'm one of the few people in town that don't like Starbursts or Skittles.
-Wouldn't it be funny if Jesus Christ really couldn't hit a curveball?
# posted by hucklebuck @ 7:23 AM 
Comments:
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I just don't know what to say anymore. The entertainment value coming out of this blog is astounding. I don't even think a Chuck Norris round house kick could stop the laughs. Oh wait, I didn't mean to upset him, so nevermind.
Does Bud Selig have any kind of celebration planned for you for when you hit magical Draft #100?
Does Bud Selig have any kind of celebration planned for you for when you hit magical Draft #100?
Vin- It depends on a couple of factors.
1) Jesus likes the feel of a wood bat, so if he can adapt to using an Easton Z-Core, then I think that he could generate more bat speed.
2) The amount of break on the opposing pitcher's "curveball". Some pitcher's curveballs break from 12:00 to 6:00 while others break from 12-1. If the pitcher's curveball resembles yours in anyway, then JC should have no problems.
3) Jesus is accustomed to wearing sandals, so it's hard for him to dig into the box and drive the ball effectively using his legs.
I guess to answer the question, nobody has ever hit a ball that far, ever. And no one ever will.
1) Jesus likes the feel of a wood bat, so if he can adapt to using an Easton Z-Core, then I think that he could generate more bat speed.
2) The amount of break on the opposing pitcher's "curveball". Some pitcher's curveballs break from 12:00 to 6:00 while others break from 12-1. If the pitcher's curveball resembles yours in anyway, then JC should have no problems.
3) Jesus is accustomed to wearing sandals, so it's hard for him to dig into the box and drive the ball effectively using his legs.
I guess to answer the question, nobody has ever hit a ball that far, ever. And no one ever will.
Nate- I'm not sure if Bud has anything in store for the big #100 or not, but if his plans have anything to do with a cheese and sausage tray, I will be more than flattered.
And just for the record, drafts 1-27 were all written while on steroids. I was desperate. And if you think others were't doing it, you're way off. I didn't want to say anything, but surfcitymeetswb had a few months where steroid use was blatantly obvious.
And just for the record, drafts 1-27 were all written while on steroids. I was desperate. And if you think others were't doing it, you're way off. I didn't want to say anything, but surfcitymeetswb had a few months where steroid use was blatantly obvious.
mmm, cheese and sausage sounds delicious. In fact, a nice deep dish cheese and sausage pizza sounds like it would be a delicious dinner tomorrow night. In fact, Tomato Head makes some good pizza and is right down the street from where we'll be.
I mean come on, you don't get to 618 profile views without the aid of a few banned substances.
And it's sad because the 4th Earl was already a funny guy, I don't know why he felt the need to get involved with steroids. And you know the guy will never admit to being a user, I think that's what people don't like about him, his arrogance.
And it's sad because the 4th Earl was already a funny guy, I don't know why he felt the need to get involved with steroids. And you know the guy will never admit to being a user, I think that's what people don't like about him, his arrogance.
Looks like I'll have to put the XLP on hold, can't have pizza two days in a row. Or can I?
I guess my steroid case becomes quite moot once the investigators take a look at the reason they call him big load.
I guess my steroid case becomes quite moot once the investigators take a look at the reason they call him big load.
8 comments per hour, let's keep up the pace please. I'd like to see us get to 21 before I leave today. It would be a new Hucklebuck Writes a Muck record.
To put this in perspective for you, if this entry got to 21 comments before 4:30pm CT, that would be the equivalent to you getting laid this weekend. That's how pathetic I am.
To put this in perspective for you, if this entry got to 21 comments before 4:30pm CT, that would be the equivalent to you getting laid this weekend. That's how pathetic I am.
Can you put me down for 10 bucks on the Kobe bet? Same rules apply, if I win, you keep it, if I lose, I'll pay you back. I could really use the additional entertainment tonight.
Did you shoot pool with a girl who posed in Penthouse, or a girl wearing a Penthouse shirt?
Did you shoot pool with a girl who posed in Penthouse, or a girl wearing a Penthouse shirt?
Why wouldn't you be able to eat pizza two nights in a row? Think of it this way, if we were going down tonight, we'd be eating pizza two nights in a row. Plus, you will not only be eating the pizza in two different cities, you will be in a different state, so the rules DO NOT apply
As much as I would love to watch an NBA game tonight (it's craptastic!), I had already made plans to spend the night sticking bamboo shoots up my nasal passageways..........bummer.
I once ran out of underwear while running the 40 yard dash. Damn you and your allegations of steroid use. I'm tired of your yellow journalism. You are using me as a scapegoat in your fictitous scandals to increase the amount of posts on your blog. That is a blatant foul in the blogging community as far as I'm concerned.
Well if you're as clean as you claim to be, Mr. Earl, then how do you explain the massive profile view increase between the months of September 05 and February 06. Numbers of this caliber simply aren't natural. Prior to that, you were never any higher than a 300 profile view level. I'm sure the blogging community would like to know.
Come on Pat, give it a try, just for me. I guarantee you'll be dazzled.
Come on Pat, give it a try, just for me. I guarantee you'll be dazzled.
I've simply become that engaging that is all there is to it. No illegal substances, just wit and candor. I've actually broken it down to a simple equation for those compelled by my recent success: wit + candor = innumerable laughs and timeless prose.
A belated happy one year anniversary of the blog Andrew.
By the way, just so everyone knows, Ballbach was THE MAN on Saturday night in Chicago, the coolest guy in the bar.
By the way, just so everyone knows, Ballbach was THE MAN on Saturday night in Chicago, the coolest guy in the bar.
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