Monday, May 01, 2006
Draft #92
Weekend Review
Friday: I ate an entire XLP from Domino's, felt bad about it for a little while, watched the Lakers/Suns game. A couple of notes. There was a warning written on the pizza box and it read as follows: This product is not designed for individual consumption. If you witness anybody trying to consume the entire pizza, or you yourself are contemplating doing so, or have actually done it, please call this number for immediate assistance, 1-800-WHATWEREUTHINKING.
Secondly, I was way off on the Kobe Bryant prediction. It was an entertaining game, but I couldn't have been more wrong about Kobe scoring 40 or more points (he wasn't even in double digits by halftime, the 4 other starters were though, so that was great). And if you actually took my advice and gambled a large quantity of money on the fact that Kobe was going to have a big game, then I'm sorry. But what are you doing taking advice from a guy that admitted to thinking that apple trees could grow inside your stomach. Who's the real idiot?
Saturday: Woke up, contemplated going for a run, regrouped, sat on couch and watched NFL draft. Some people just have really good decision making skills, and I'm one of them. The afternoon rolled around and Filzen arrived on schedule to wisk me away in the green monster for a weekend of fun in Chicago. The pre-weekend checklist looked something like this (1. don't get shot 2. eat pizza from a pizza place where I've never eaten pizza before 3. drink lots of beer 4. laugh, a lot 5. watch the Brewers dismantle the Cubs at Wrigley while avoiding getting shot). Anything beyond this, would be considered bonus gravy.
We arrived in the big city around 5:30 and hung out at Kevin's apartment long enough for the five of us to watch the Bucks game, finish a twelve pack, and chip away at three large pizzas (well everybody else was chipping, my actions would be better described as devouring. To prey upon voraciously). I consumed a whole large pizza, again, for the 2nd consecutive day. I tried calling the 1-800 number from the Domino's box on friday night, but all I got was a busy signal, so naturally I continued to display my usual disgusting (weekend) eating habits since no one was around to tell me otherwise.
So at 10:00 pm we arrived at bar number one. Kincade's was good for about four beers, lot's and lot's of eye candy (we's definitely wasn't in Kansas no mo'), and then it was off to a bunch of bars I don't remember the names of, but also had plentiful amounts of good lookin ladies. Once the standard 2:30 am bar-time came around, I had yet to speak to another member of the female population, and the most action I had seen was when I was randomly dancing with the guys, so things were looking gay. I was being repeatedly scolded for not making any attempts at possible female prospects (you know, the ones with a pulse and were within a 15 foot radius of where we happened to be standing). I struck out/blew it about 15 times without actually making an attempt, according to my sources, ie Nate, Jon, and Chris. Actually, I shouldn't say I didn't speak with any girls before 2:30 because Chris and I received a cat call from a girl in a car as we were looking for a cab. We approached her window and she's like, "What's up? You guys going to the hotel?" We're like, "No, we're looking for a cab." She's like, "Do you wonna go to the hotel?" At this point we gathered that she was either an actual whore on wheels, or just a really slutty girl, and since she wasn't a pretty whore, we continued on our way.
After bar time, it was off to some bar that stays open until 5am. There we met a group of lawyers who all went to school together at Valparaiso. The best looking one of the bunch was a 27-year-old woman named Jackie. She was a petite gal who liked her Jack n' Coke. She had dark skin, dark hair, and was in great shape. The kind of shape one might achieve if they are able to avoid eating mass quantities of pizza. The stools were slippery at this place as I recall, Chris fell off of his stool twice, and I saved Jackie from hitting the ground when she fell off of her stool. And when the smoke cleared and it was time to go, I found myself getting into a cab with Jackie, leaving my friends behind. We arrived to her apartment (or as I like to call it, fancy hotel) and I couldn't believe what was happening, I was about to become a man........just kidding. Jackie's a good clean Christian girl, and nothing dirty happened. Her apartment was on the 16th floor of a 40-50 story building that overlooked Michigan Ave, just an awesome view. To put it mildly, she is not clipping coupons.
Sunday: With $12 in my pocket, Jackie accompanied me to the lobby and had the front desk turn the "hail a cab light on" (I didn't even know that existed) and I was on my way back to Kevin's apartment to join up with the departed three. Her parting words to me were, "I floated to heights that only the eagles soar, your passion is as fierce as a lion's roar, and we'll never speak again if you tell your friends that I'm a whore." OK, maybe she didn't say that, but she did walk me down to the lobby which was very nice of her to do. I'll take that as a sign that she didn't regret her late night procurement, she was willing to be seen with me, very classy.
When I got back to Kevin's, everyone was still sleeping. Chris woke up shortly after I arrived, only to discover that he had urinated in his pants during his slumber. Everything would have been alright had Chris been sleeping on a pile of hay in a barn, but unfortunately for Chris, he peed directly on the couch he was sleeping on and somehow managed to avoid his sleeping bag completely. Again, he probably would have been alright had this been a "I got this from the side of the street" type couch or a "this is my parent's old basement" couch, but this was a pretty sheik looking couch, something you'd find at Pier One or Ikea. And maybe good old Chris might not have caused such a stir had his accident just been a little dribble, something that the dab of a washcloth and a couple sprays of Febreze might fix. But noooo, he pissed that couch up good, damn good, like someone poured a pitcher of beer right in there. Kevin, didn't find the whole situation as amusing as say, I did, and he rightfully refused to move the couch (he was in the middle of moving). So Nate and Jon volunteered to move the piss-soaked couch (God Bless their souls) and once they got it out of the apartment, Kevin decided to have them just throw it in the dumpster. How about that? Saturating a couch with so much piss, that you've rendered it completely useless, unfit for human utilization, absolutely soiled it. I don't know what was funnier, the fact that he peed his pants, or the humiliation involved with a 24-year-old having to ask his friends if they have an extra pair of pants. This couldn't have made for a better "Want to get away" commercial for Southwest Airlines.
Between the food, the hookup, and accidental urinations, Saturday was an ass-load of fun. We had so much fun that we didn't even mind the fact that we showed up to the Cubs game on Sunday @ 11am, sat in the rain for over an hour, and then decided to go back home thinking the game will never be played on account of rain, only to find out that the game WAS actually played, and we missed it. Oh well, I got to eat a Wrigley dog, and have a guy tell me that Milwaukee sucks as I was walking towards the back of the line to get into the stadium. All I could do was shrug my shoulders and continue on, after all, I didn't want to get shot.
# posted by hucklebuck @ 8:32 AM 
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Ah yes, good recap, and again, I apologize for leading the decision to leave the stadium. We will make it back and stay for the game, I promise you that. Hell, you may get back there before I do if you keep speaking with Jackie.
I don't know if Janke falling off of his stool twice or pissing his pants was funnier, but the former was probably much less expensive.
For the record, the bars we went to in order:
Kincade's- decent place, right below Kevin's, reasonably priced drinks ($3.75 for a beer/ $5.00 for a mixer, $26.50 for 3 jager-bombs and a mixer), DJ was playing a good mix of music and I would give it a 7.5 out of 10 for eye candy, and another .5 points for entertainment as a midget was trying to pick a fight with the bouncers when we got there. Any by the way, this wasn't our only encounter with midgets for the evening!
Joe's- Huge bar, $10 cover to hear a cover band, they were pretty good except for when they tried to play snoop, the bathroom attendent was a little too pushy (I barely had my pants zipped before he was squirting soap on my hands), crowded as always, reasonably priced drinks (about the same as Kincade's), since there were so many people and not many hotties around us, only a 6 out of 10 on the eye candy. Although, entertainment wise, 10 out of 10 for the midgets who were on stage dressed as KISS. You couldn't make this stuff up!
John Barleycorn (Lincoln Park)- Most expensive place all night ($6.00 for mixers), great mix of music being played, good area to dance which was right by the bathrooms, a really good looking chick from Ireland dancing with us, 8.5 out of 10 for eye candy, but no midgets.
Gamekeepers- It doesn't really matter how everything else was, the hottest girl we saw all night was there, Jackie the Indian (dots not feathers) who told us right after she told us that she was Indian that she wasn't a Hindu, she was Christian. Thanks for that update, but definitely the hottest one in the bar by far. It wasn't really even close. Actually, though, reasonably priced drinks, good music played all night, leaving at 5:00, 9.5 out of 10 on eye candy.
All in all, good times all around. When Kevin has his housewarming, you are definitely coming back, but Mr. Depends is staying at home.
I don't know if Janke falling off of his stool twice or pissing his pants was funnier, but the former was probably much less expensive.
For the record, the bars we went to in order:
Kincade's- decent place, right below Kevin's, reasonably priced drinks ($3.75 for a beer/ $5.00 for a mixer, $26.50 for 3 jager-bombs and a mixer), DJ was playing a good mix of music and I would give it a 7.5 out of 10 for eye candy, and another .5 points for entertainment as a midget was trying to pick a fight with the bouncers when we got there. Any by the way, this wasn't our only encounter with midgets for the evening!
Joe's- Huge bar, $10 cover to hear a cover band, they were pretty good except for when they tried to play snoop, the bathroom attendent was a little too pushy (I barely had my pants zipped before he was squirting soap on my hands), crowded as always, reasonably priced drinks (about the same as Kincade's), since there were so many people and not many hotties around us, only a 6 out of 10 on the eye candy. Although, entertainment wise, 10 out of 10 for the midgets who were on stage dressed as KISS. You couldn't make this stuff up!
John Barleycorn (Lincoln Park)- Most expensive place all night ($6.00 for mixers), great mix of music being played, good area to dance which was right by the bathrooms, a really good looking chick from Ireland dancing with us, 8.5 out of 10 for eye candy, but no midgets.
Gamekeepers- It doesn't really matter how everything else was, the hottest girl we saw all night was there, Jackie the Indian (dots not feathers) who told us right after she told us that she was Indian that she wasn't a Hindu, she was Christian. Thanks for that update, but definitely the hottest one in the bar by far. It wasn't really even close. Actually, though, reasonably priced drinks, good music played all night, leaving at 5:00, 9.5 out of 10 on eye candy.
All in all, good times all around. When Kevin has his housewarming, you are definitely coming back, but Mr. Depends is staying at home.
Nate, you are the greatest ever! An absolute national treasure, many tales will be told of your kindness, humor, and killer Coleman brand ponchos.
Thanks for the good time!
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Thanks for the good time!
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