Friday, May 12, 2006
Draft #99
Freestyle Fridays (Anything Goes)
-Remember in school when the teacher always said that you shouldn't be afraid to ask a question because odds were, that someone else has the same question. But there was always one kid in your class that would take that concept way too literally. He or she would ask questions all the time, and you were 99% sure everyone knew the concept behind a remainder, or whatever it was that paste-eating McGee couldn't figure out (even the monkey that Billy's dad brought for show and tell that day knew the answer), and they would just keep asking questions every single time something didn't make sense to them. Well, I hated that person. I almost never asked questions during class in fear of being THAT guy. I'd say, figure it out on your own damn time, and that's the approach I took. Unfortunately, I'd go home and play Madden football on Playstation till my eyes would bleed, so I never really figured out a damn thing. But at least I wasn't an inconvenience to anybody during class, that's the important thing.
-I had spaetzles for lunch on Tuesday and they were delicious. They're a German side dish that reminds me of miniature dumplings. I could eat a 5-gallon bucket full of em. Myself being of German heritage, it was finally nice to have something to hang my hat on and be proud of. I mean between Hitler, David Hasselhoff, and those Volkswagon commercials with the queer bag who vants to un pimp yor ride by smashing it and providing you with a brand new V-Dub, yahhhhhh, we German's don't usually have much to display proudly as we pound our chests. Someone is usually trying to pound OUR chest because the old ticker stalled again from too many brats and veiner snitzels. But now, now I've discovered spaetzles and life may never be the same again.-"Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin' world go round"- Now of course this line doesn't apply to those with fat bottoms who can barely squeeze their ass through a doorway. You don't make the world go round, you make my stomach go round, in a queazy way.
-Have you ever really looked at an old person? I mean really looked at them. How come more people don't freak out about what we are to become? Father time is one cruel son of a bitch, and he's just waiting for us, so he can laugh at our sagging facial features and humped backs. Father time strikes me as the kind of person that often double parks. He's got no where to be and he's keeping you from whatever it is you want to do. How is that exactly? I don't know. This is an example of a terrible analogy.
-I was running late for work this week and just as I was giving myself the final lookover before I left, I noticed a white smudge on the collar of my black pollo shirt. I rubbed it a little, but no luck, the smudge wouldn't budge. I was at the point of no return, a wardrobe change at this juncture of the game would have been absolutely fatal and tardiness would have been the only outcome. So I pulled a MacGyver and colored over the smudge with a black perminent marker. A pure stroke of genious if I don't say so myself and no one was the wiser.
-In case you haven't heard, Nate purchased 17 frozen pizzas after bar time last Friday. They were 4 for $10 so I guess he decided to stock up for the winter. He also purchased two loaves of Wonder bread, 3 bags of pizza rolls, and some sour cream. All and all the total came to $55 and thanks to Nate's Advantage Plus card, he saved almost $20. And in case you were wondering, Nate was drunk.
-My last fortune cookie predicted that everything will now come my way. I hope this doesn't mean I'll be masturbating into the wind anytime soon.
-Make no bones about it, Hanging with Mr. Cooper was an overrated program.
-I would definitely like to hear people stop using the word jaw so much when mandible is such a better term used to describe the same area. It took the mandibles of life to jimmy that man out of the wreck. I punched that dude right in the mandible and he just dropped. Judy gives Billy so much head that she suffers from a latched mandible from time to time.
-Quickly! Hide the urine. The lepricons are coming!!
-"And I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free." You've all heard the song at one point or another, and for many of you, it makes you gag, or swell with pride, one of the two. But have you ever seen the guy who sings the song? Yikes! This guy makes Don Johnson look almost Brat Pitt like.From his own website: He formed his first band, the Moonbeams, while still in Jr. High School. By the time he had graduated high school, Lee was already a seasoned performer. His career became the focal point in his life, so much so, that he turned down a music scholarship to the College of the Pacific, abandoned a promising professional baseball career, and even skipped his own high school graduation because he was booked to perform a standing engagement at the Golden Hotel & Casino (now Harrahs) in Reno, Nevada.
If Chuck Norris had a nerdy, annoying, less talented, little brother, this is probably what he would look like.
Lee Greenwood- My hero
# posted by hucklebuck @ 8:48 AM 
Comments:
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Oh heavens me, I appear to have upset what I would venture to say is, a bit of a portly feller.
Someone sounds cranky. What's da matter, mommy run out of Little Debbie treats?
Look, this blog has been repulsive from the very beginning, so if you don't like it, go cram it.
Thanks for reading!
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Someone sounds cranky. What's da matter, mommy run out of Little Debbie treats?
Look, this blog has been repulsive from the very beginning, so if you don't like it, go cram it.
Thanks for reading!
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