Thursday, June 08, 2006
Draft #112
Things you could say to a lady who's dog is shitting on your lawn as you are returning home from a morning jog:
-Ah geeeez, right on the front lawn. You've got to be kidding me.
-So....you shit here often?
-What the hell is going on here?!?!
-Get that mut off my fucking lawn!
-This is just great, of all the lawns in this entire city
-Real cute lady, did you teach him this little trick? I bet you did.
-You better kiss Fido's ass goodbye lady cuz this is the last lawn he's soiling for a long time.
-What the hell are you feeding this thing? That ain't right.
-That's a nice shit bag you got there. What is that, a Pick N' Save?
-Excuse me miss, but your dog is shitting on my lawn.
-Let me get this straight, you pick up the shit, put it in a bag, and then carry it around the neighborhood? Yeah, that's disgusting.
-Well it looks like my order of shit has finally arrived. You people at Fed Ex really deliver.
-If I ever, ever, catch you and your dog desecrating my front yard again, you and I are going to have problems, big problems! And I'm not talking about "I locked my keys in my car" type problems, I mean "foot up both your asses" type problems.
-Oh this is lovely.
-So...what-a-ya say, how bout after Rover's done steaming up the lawn here, you and I go catch some breakfast?
-That's some damn good form, I see he's been practicing.
-Is this all for me? You shouldn't have, I didn't even get you anything.
-You know. I thought the treats I handed out last Halloween were quite satisfactory. Don't you think it's a little late to be displaying your displeasure for Sweet Tarts?
-Ooooo, my favorite, free fertilizer. You're not gonna bag that are you?
-Well, I guess it could be worse, you could be out walking your elephant today.
# posted by hucklebuck @ 7:23 AM 
