Friday, June 16, 2006
Draft #115
Freestyle Fridays (Ain't it great)
-Why do truckers and sailors get such a bad rap for using foul language? These people live very isolated lives, so how often is it that you actually run into someone who is either a trucker or a sailor? I know I don't see individuals of these professions very often and if I did, I would expect them to be quite drunk. If I had to spend that much time on a ship or a truck, I'd probably be very angry with the world and would consequently turn to alcohol for relief. So is that why they've garnered this reputation? During the few times they ARE able to head out and enjoy society, do they exhibit caged animal type behavior? Is drunken cursing their only form of communication with the outside world? Has their lack of education lead them to a limited vocabulary that consists mainly of 4-letter words? Frankly, I don't give a shit. I just can't wait till the day comes when I'm finally able to execute this "trucker method" of birth control I've been hearing about. I'm told it's nearly a full proof method. Thank you truckers of America!
-Have you seen the Tanqueray Gin advertisements featuring this black Austin Powers type character? The last commercial I saw had him on a boat or a ship and he's sitting in a chair with a bottle of Tanqueray next to him and an empty glass in hand. Then the camera shifts to a shot of a huge iceberg and then back to his empty glass, to the iceberg, and then back to his glass. The guy then asks, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" And then he does his signature cackle and the voice over begins to talk about how great the product is and that's the end of the commercial. Well almost. Just before the commerical ends, the voice over quickly gives the courtesy "enjoy Tanqueray responsibly or in moderation" disclaimer. How genious is that? One second they're telling us how fun it would be to drink a glacier load of gin and the next they're telling us to responsibly sip the stuff in a grandma-like fashion. I'm a big fan of this commercial.
-Some baseball notes
Have you ever seen or heard Rickie Weeks during an interview? It is absolutely brutal. He's the total package; nerves, stuttering, sentence fragments, and a shy demeanor. It's a train wreck from beginning to end. You'd have a hard time trying to convince me that this guy wasn't dropped on the old soft spot at a young age. This guy makes Ozzie Osbourne look like Colin Powell. Don't get me wrong, I like the guy, he's a good kid, but yikes! Nothing that comes out of his mouth makes sense, at all.
I voted a couple times today for the starters of the 2006 MLB All Star game, and let me tell you. Choosing from the crop of NL catchers and AL second baseman is no easy task. It's like trying to choose between getting stabbed or set on fire, the eventual choice will not be pretty or painless.
If I was a Cubs fan, I would have hurled myself off a bridge months ago.
-Just got back from lunch and I'm thoroughly convinced that I just witnessed a record of some kind. If there is a category in the Guinness Book of World Records for the most amount laughter in a 20 minute period in a cafeteria without anything actually funny being said or done, they would be the winners. They, being the group of middle-agers in the round table behind me. There conversation was so boring I nearly voluntarily choked on my taco salad. And this had nothing to do with inside jokes, they were just plain boring, yet unto themselves, they were hilarious.
-A couple days ago we had herb rubbed chicken for lunch, and when a co-worker came back from eating and was asked how the chicken was, she replied, "I think Herb needs to spend more time practicing rubbing his chicken because that was aweful."
-My first ever Marquette Basketball game was in February of 2003. The Golden Eagles were taking on the Demon Deacons of Wake Forest University. I was a college student at the time and so was Dwyane Wade and Josh Howard. Fast forward three years later. Those two are millionaires battling in the NBA Finals in front of a national audience and I hit two foul balls in a softball game last night and proceeded to close the park down drinking beer until all the lights were turned off. Someone's to blame for this.
-Actually I should take that back. If I was a Kansas City Royals fan I would have thrown myself under a bus before the season even started.
-I post a picture of a guy wearing a pork skins hat and that doesn't motive one comment? Come on. Haus, that hat was made for you.
-Diorama is just a really funny word to me, and I don't know why.
-Everybody Loves Raymond line of the week: "Your feet smell like a skunk that just crawled out of another skunk's ass." A co-worker of mine actually admitted to enjoying the smell of skunk. She says it's just not summer until she gets a good whiff of skunk. I usually like to think of the beginning of summer as that period of time where my nipples finally retract, but hey, skunk is good too.
-I'm beginning to think that Bobby Boucher's mother was right.
-I would like a big old honkin, fold it cause its so big, slice of New York pizza before I die.
-In my youth I tried to mix ketchup and applesauce together to see if those flavors were compatible. Trust me when I tell you, that they are NOT! But hey, anything to impress the babysitter right?
-The award for most underrated invention ever goes to...............(drumroll)...................flavored yogurt in a plastic tube. It's either that or two-ply.
# posted by hucklebuck @ 9:08 AM 
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You know, as a Cubs fan, I might be offended at your comment, except that if Cubs fans knew enough to hurl themselves off a bridge months ago, we'd probably also be smart enough to not become Cubs fans to begin with.
Since when has being a Brewers fan been so utterly fabulous, anyway?
Since when has being a Brewers fan been so utterly fabulous, anyway?
Being a Brewer's fan is awesome because.....of ahh.....well.....we've won......I guess it's because........well at least we don't have Dusty Baker.
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