Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Draft #117
Popular warning signs that indicate your girlfriend may be crazy:
-She owns more than two cats
-She eats her spaghetti with a spoon
-She's still really into Dawson's Creek
-She cuts herself with razor blades after every phone conversion with you
-She's not startled by caves or wolves
-She's constantly challenging you to an arm wrestling match
-She eats candle wax and assorted potpourri
-She wears a helmet when driving a car, just in case
-She refuses to bathe on even days of the month
-She cuts her own hair with a set of hedge clippers
-She has a lava lamp for every color of the rainbow lined up in her room
-She watches her favorite movie, Home Fries, every Wednesday and Sunday at 4:12pm
-She doesn't believe in ketchup, but insists that unicorns are real AND have feelings
-She likes to build houses made of playing cards and then light them on fire while reciting 17th centry poetry
-She hasn't removed her Tom Cruise poster from her bedroom wall, after all that's happened with him
-She had a Tom Cruise poster
-She collects oven mits as a hobby
-She thinks Freddy Krueger is kinda cute, yet is utterly terrified of Winnie the Pooh
-She does this thing where she randomly slaps you across the face for no reason and then laughs hysterically
-She thinks George Michael hung the moon and the stars
-She is the events coordinator for the Dunkel County Fair and she has her own exhibit and she really doesn't do anything special, it's just her
-She wonders why nobody else dips their Hot Pockets into chocolate sauce
-She wraps and staples Christmas lights around a wood board and waves it around like a light sabre and insists you join the dark side
-She has a My Little Pony punching bag in her basement and there appears to be blood stains on it
-She's never even heard of the following people: Chuck Norris
-She has a tatoo of an octopus and refers to it as her devilfish tatoo
-She claims that the Gorton's fisherman is actually her grandpa and she uses blatantly photo-shopped pictures as proof of her fictitious family lineage
-As far as footwear goes, she owns nothing but velcro shoes
-She over-utilizes toothpicks and under-utilizes toothpaste
-She screams violent obscenities at cars that are blue and won't stop until you are able to feed her an orange flavored Flinstones push-up sherbet treat
-She's paid money to have her stretch marks surgically enhanced
-She's not familiar with mortgage backed securities
Crazy girlfriend scale
0-5 traits from above and she may be considered quirky
6-10 and she's most likely a weirdo
11-15 and I wouldn't be seen in public with this person, yet I wouldn't be home alone with her either
16-20 and there's a good chance she's spent time in a mental institution before she started dating you
21-25 a definite drug induced Courtney Love type crazy
26-30 run for your life and alert the proper authorities crazy
# posted by hucklebuck @ 9:43 AM 
Comments:
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That would be "potpourri" my friend.
Are you in mourning now that another NBA season has come and gone?
Are you in mourning now that another NBA season has come and gone?
I was a little choked up that my boy Antoine finally got his ring, but thanks to the gaudy schedule of the NBA I don't have to fret because the next season is just around the corner.
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