Friday, July 14, 2006
Draft #124
Freestyle Fridays (You got a permit for that?)
-Last night I was a substitute for a softball team that plays on the neighboring field from where I usually play on Thursday nights. We were the home team and the very first batter of the game hit a swinging bunt down the 3rd baseline. The batter ran very gingerly down the line because he was unsure whether or not the ball was going to stay fair, I mean come on, why run it out when you could just turn around and head to the dugout in the event the ball goes foul, right? After starting and stopping about three different times, he finally decides to just go for it and take off for 1st base, and he actually beat the throw from third by about a half a step. Unfortunately for the batter though, with all the indecisiveness he was experiencing, he was also contemplating whether or not to drop the bat. He ended up just carrying the damn thing ALL the way to 1st and was consequently called out on the play. What a douchebag! Everyone knows that Pedro Cerrano is the only person on the planet allowed to carry their bat as they run the bases. Hats for bats, keep bats warm.
-Bobby bats second for his Tuesday night softball team. Bobby is batting a meager .176 this season. Bobby just grounded out and is heading back to the dugout when the manager yells, "Damn it, we sure could use a lot more production out of the two-hole." Larry, a teammate of Bob, turns to the guy next to him and says, "I've been telling my wife that for years."
-I once knew a guy that whittled an entire set of playing cards from a block of wood.
-For those of you who saw that soccer player head butt that one guy, what the hell were you doing watching soccer?
-Picture this if you will: A claustrophobic person who likes to fake bake. How uneven is that tan going to be? He lowers the lid down and starts freaking out, waving all of his appendages in fear, finally settling on the fetal position as the only comfortable position in which to tan. Guy comes out looking like a zebra. Everyone at work making fun of him. That's still not as bad as carrying the bat all the way to first base.
-Before the birth of my nephew, my sister used to treat me to dinners on Thursday nights (when I'd be in town for softball). I could be found eating chicken nuggets, mac n' cheese, spaghetti, marinated chicken breast, and numerous other menu items that tantalized the tummy.
Fast forward to yesterday, the first softball game since the birth of the young nephew, and I'm forced to eat a sleeve of 35% reduced fat Roundy's crackers as my dinner. Woe is me.
-Timmy-Two-One-Oh is a serial ass slayer, make no bones about it. The guy is literally beating the women away with a stick.
-I know Britney Spears has been slipping for sometime now, but when did she start falling into the "I hope nobody sees me getting into the cab with this whale" type ugly?
-I ate a bag of roasted almonds and a bag of roasted cashews at Summer Fest last Friday. And they were delicious! Although "roasted" is a bit misleading in my opinion. Deep-fried in a crunchy sugary goo almonds would sound more accurate to me.
-Freestyle fridays aren't too random when all you talk about is food and softball.
-Wegs was so drunk last Saturday he could barely throw/catch a football after the Brewers game. I've never seen the guy look that unathletic in my entire life, granted I haven't known the guy very long, but still, he was making uncle Rico look like an All-American.
-Superman was a pretty good movie. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Then again, I also own the Joe Dirt DVD, so take the recommendation with a massive grain of salt.
-Filzen & Co. better have cleared their calendars for Saturday because you've got a date with Silver Lake.
# posted by hucklebuck @ 11:22 AM 
