Friday, July 21, 2006
Draft #128
Freestyle Fridays (Oh that's nasty)-Ok, I'll admit it. I enjoy a good bike race crash. I enjoy how the cyclists can be cruising along at a graceful pace, everything is smooth and then BAM!! Things get a little tight, and the next thing you know the once steady rider is stumbling around on his bike like a drunken calf who just learned to walk. They eventually hit a guard rail and go flying off of their bike and go rolling down a hill, and to me, that's poetry in motion. I could watch an entire DVD of bike racing crashes set to classical music, I like it that much. And sure, that may make me an asshole, but it's fun to watch.
-I was jogging on Monday and I tried the Miller Park route for the first time. If you yourself are ever thinking about taking a jog at 6am anywhere near the Bluemond general parking lot, please be on the lookout for the homeless guy that sleeps facedown on the grassy knoll near the Port O' Johns. When you don't see it coming, it kind of freaks you out a bit because it looks like he's dead. Now for all intents and purposes the guy could have been dead, but who am I to figure that one out? I got shit to do.
-The roommate and I went to Wick Field to hit some baseballs on Tuesday since it was so nice outside. After our tremendous hitting display, we decided to take a seat on the infield grass and take in some of the action from the surrounding softball diamonds (it didn't hurt that Lisa Spella was playing in one of the games- Good Lord). So we're shooting the shit, minding our own business when we notice five black kids and one fat white kid talking about us behind the backstop. I happened to be wearing a blue shirt that easily exposed the sweat it was retaining on my back and one of the kids said, "Red shorts nutted sperm all over blue shirts back." My roommate was wearing red shorts by the way. A) I'm a 25-year-old on the verge of manhood and I felt like a grade schooler being chastised by his classmates. I forgot how cruel kids could be. And B) How the hell did this 7-year-old kid know what nutting sperm was. I'm pretty sure I finally found out what the term "pornography" meant in like the 7th grade. They said some other nasty things but when push came to shove, they scattered like ants under a rock when we decided to walk back to the car. And given my intimidating physical presence, I don't blame them at all.
-Panic! At the Disco. Just a great name for a band. Now while I'm not familiar with any of their music, it does bring me to this question. If I were a strapping young 20-year-old living in the 70's, would I have thought disco sucked, or would I have boogied my way into the discoteca with tight pants and a hairy chest? I'd hate to admit it, but I think disco would have won me over. After all, the Bee Gees are a guilty pleasure of mine. No way I could be able to resist the stylings and profilings of a suave Barry Gibb, who many consider to be the Babe Ruth of Disco. I heard the guy could get down for two straight days and not even break a sweat. Now that's a hero.
-A copy of the birthday card that Sean Connery sent to Alex Trebek last year:
Dear Alex,
You are a shmug, arrogant prick. I'd wish you a happy birthday, but I'm too bishy shagging yo mutha. Ah that's right, yor mutha. The saucy minx sends her warmess regods.
She you in hell,
Sean
-Growing up, my mother always told me to stop diddle daddling around. Diddle daddling could also be replaced with fiddle farting. The two mean the same thing I'm told. Either way, I did my chores at an incredibly slow pace.
-Speaking of growing up, remember Growing Pains, the TV show? How the hell was it socially acceptable for Mike to have a best friend who was nicknamed Boner? I'm not sure if I've talked about this already, and my apologies if I have, but that's some crazy stuff. You mean to tell me that boner is a term that has come into play as recently as the early 90's (assuming that timeframe marked the end of the program)? That can't be right. The term boner has been thrown about for much longer than that, hasn't it? What were people using before boner came along? "It appears Bobby has a rather large pants pole going right now." Sounds too 1950-ish. People must have known what a boner was in the 80's? There's no way they didn't know. Janet Jackson flashes a nipple for half of a second during the Super Bowl and the world stops, but a sitcom has a character named Boner and nobody cares? Not that I cared, but somebody ought to.-Ben Alger, I have your lounge chair. It's in good hands, no need to panic, or disco for that matter.
-I didn't bring any treats into work yesterday for my birthday. Does that make me a bad person? Early indications from numerous sources have me believing that the answer to that question is yes, I am terrible. Lousy even.
-I've lived a mulletless life. Even when it reached it's popularity, I somehow managed to miss the boat on one of America's most popular hairstyles. Some people say I'm lucky while others will argue that I missed out, big time. Those who argue the latter, are what I consider to be, in denile.
# posted by hucklebuck @ 9:20 AM 
