Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Draft #131
Qdoba- the tobacco industry has nothing on us!
A while back I declared I was going to eat everything from here on out in the form of a burrito because it just handles better. And to an extent, I have been doing that for the last three weeks. On Tuesdays, I've gone to Qdoba after work to purchase two burritos, one for that day and one for Wednesday. My customary burrito order is as follows; meat (one is chicken, the other steak), rice, pico de gallo salsa (mild & chunky), salsa verde (medium & green), cheese, and sour cream. I at least tried a couple of my burritos with beans last week, but the results were still the same, I hate beans and they nearly ruined my order, my dinner, my day, and my ability to function.
This whole no bean thing has led me to a conspiracy theory that has absolutely no legs. It is my estimation that when a customer at Qdoba orders a burrito with no beans, the employee assembling the burrito will make your burrito smaller in size if they are of a Latino persuasion. And I'm not referring to the fact that the burrito will be smaller in size just due to the physical absence of beans, I'm referring to the employee making your burrito smaller out of spite by giving you less portions of all the other ingredients. Beans are the backbone of the Latin American community and placing an order without beans, to them, would be like ordering a pizza pie without cheese, it just doesn't make sense at all. I'm nearly convinced that ordering a burrito without beans angers the employee of a Latino persuasion, and I'd bet a donkey and five paperclips on it.
The evidence I have is limited, but shocking none the less. When on the subject of Qdoba with my current lady friend (who will go by the name of JZ on this blog for privacy reasons) during a conversation we had a couple of weeks ago, I declared that I could easily eat two Qdoba burritos in one sitting, much to her amazement. That week I had ordered my dinner burritos without beans and was convinced that was the usual size of their burritos since I had never visited a Qdoba franchise before (I'm a newbie to the phenomenon so my current addiction is a rather fresh one). The week after that I tried the beans because of a discovery I had made while JZ and I were working off hangovers with takeout food during a lazy Sunday. JZ went to Qdoba while I went to Jimmy Johns since I didn't want to kill my new addiction by over feeding it. When we convened from our seperate restaurant trips and began eating, I noticed her burrito was ginormous. I could actually see why she was impressed that I declared eating two burritos in one sitting to be a petty task. And of course, her burrito had beans.
So after observing the size of JZ's burrito on Sunday, I ordered my next two burritos with beans on the following Tuesday. And wouldn't you know it, these burritos were massive and I specifically remember carrying them back to my car that afternoon and thinking to myself, "Damn these things are heavy, it must be buy two burritos and get a free brick day." But after rediscovering my hatred for beans, I went back to my usual formula this week. And just as I suspected, my burritos were smaller again.
So does this mean I will undertake a full fledged investigation on the matter? No, no, I'm far too lazy for that. Will you boycott all Qdoba franchises in an effort to take a stand for all of us out there that do not like beans? No, no, I can't do that either, I'm far too hooked on their product to quit cold turkey now. In fact I'm so hooked I recently became a Qdoba card club member and will be accruing reward points on each entree purchase I make with those points being put towards earning a free entree in the near future. Each entree purchase is worth 84 points and whenever I reach 1,000 points I win a free burrito. I used the word "win" because that's the best way to describe someone who eats large quantities of fast food, I'm a winner! And if you don't believe me, then how do you explain the free chips and salsa I received for activating my Qdoba card? Huh? Yeah that's right. So what the sodium intake I'm achieving is enough to destroy even the sturdiest of kidneys, I'm number one and I have an invisible stack of dishes that don't need to be washed to prove it.
# posted by hucklebuck @ 11:34 AM 
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Great theory ass weep. Now do us all a favor and move to the sewer where you belong. Like the rat that you are. You disgust me. I spit in your face!
# posted by 
: 10:34 AM
: 10:34 AM
Look Care-loose, I don't know what cockroach infested one bedroom apartment you dragged yourself out of, but if you don't shut it, I'm a gonna drop kick you in the sombrero.
Well alrighty then! Now that we are compadres, let's go set off fireworks and grow mustaches in the heat.
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