Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Draft #142
Fun things to do (if you were Andre the Giant)
-Visit nursing homes and scare the living crap out of bedridden strangers. Just open a closed door to one of the rooms, rush in unannounced and hold your hands up in the air and start screaming. Sure, some of the unexpecting victims may crud themselves, have a heart attack, or worse yet, might be in the middle of a sponge bath during your ambush. But honestly, how funny would it be to watch them scramble for their life alert/nurse assistance button with the "I think I'm going to die" look on their face? I'm guessing it would be a riot.
-Smash a table in half using your head.
-Chug a bottle of whiskey just to see what does or doesn't happen.
-Attempt to get into a popular night club dressed as a woman and when the bouncer doesn't let you in (because you'd be the ugliest female alive) you beat the living tar out of the bouncer and resume his duties for the evening. And as the newly self-appointed bouncer, besides "being on the list", the only way a person gets into the club is to body slam you (female Andre the Giant) or defeat you in an arm wrestling match. And of course there's option number three, the time honored tradition of whipping out your tatties for quick and free admission.
-Try throwing a cow up into a tree.
-Start a book of the month club. But instead of reading the books and discussing them, you gather as a group just to see who can tear the book in half with their bare hands. Afterwards, everyone drinks heavily and heads to the nursing home.
-Head to the airport to see if you can stop airplanes that have just landed using nothing but your shoulder.
-Back to the night club. This time you show up looking like yourself, all Andre the Gianty and ask random guys if you can dance with their dates. When they say "no", you say "wrong answer" and start whaling on everything in sight. But deep down, you know nobody's gonna say "no". You're Andre the Giant damn it.
-Get drunk and sing karaoke with Tom Jones at an Asian restaurant. Whoa whoa whoa, she's a rady! Rhoa-oh-whoa, she's a rady. And the rady is mi------ne.
-Begin an HBO series called the A-Team 2.0. You (Andre the Giant) will team up with Chuck Norris, Rony Seikaly, and David Hasselhoff to recreate the magic of the 1980's television series, the A-Team. Andre the Giant will play the role of B.A. Baracus-mohawk included, Norris will be Hannibal, Seikaly will star as Face, and Hasselhoff will play the role of Murdock. If you don't think this idea has any legs, then you are sadly mistaken.
-Eat everything on Qdoba's menu in one sitting.
-Pull over a cop and when you approach his window to ask, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" And the cop answers, "No I don't Mr. Andre the Giant........sir." You reply, "That's what I thought." Then urinate on his squad car and kick one of his tires flat for good measure.
-Wrestle 35 midgets at once. And your only allies are Bob Saget and the girl who played Stephanie Tanner.
-Start a program on the Discovery Channel where you wrestle a different animal every week. The show would be hosted by former Philadelphia 76ers center Manute Bol, and on-line voters would determine the next animal to be wrestled each week. *Cats, since they are so cute and cuddly, would be excluded from participating in this program.
# posted by hucklebuck @ 11:03 AM 
Comments:
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I was told, by no one in particular, that if I ever want to hear the kitty purr, then I have to be nice to the kitty.
The whole A-Team 2.0 thing, might be a bit hard to pull off seeing as how Andre is dead.
But I'm assuming Hasselhoff's acting talents alone would be able to carry the show. Even if we had to digitally add Andre to any of the scenes he's required to be in.
They did it in those beer commercials with John Wayne.
P.S. The Redskins suck. Andre has terrible foot speed and lacks many of the fundamentals and techniques required to become a top-flight lineman in the NFL.
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But I'm assuming Hasselhoff's acting talents alone would be able to carry the show. Even if we had to digitally add Andre to any of the scenes he's required to be in.
They did it in those beer commercials with John Wayne.
P.S. The Redskins suck. Andre has terrible foot speed and lacks many of the fundamentals and techniques required to become a top-flight lineman in the NFL.
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