Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Draft #146
Mythbusting Hucklebuck Style
There are so many thoughts, fables, and tales being bandied about these days, I figured it was high time somebody put some of those fibs to rest.
-Someone once told me that reading is fundamental with an emphasis on fun. I am here today to tell you that reading is craptastic with an emphasis on crap. As in, "Boy, reading sure does blow!"
-Have you ever wondered why men seem to be constantly running away from Halle Berry? Many have said that the reason she is always being dumped is because she is too beautiful. And that is simply not true. The real reason men are always on the run is because she has 11 toes. And you may be thinking, that is no big deal and that the men in question are rather shallow, but what if I told you that 8 of those toes reside on one foot and three on the other? Yeah, pretty disgusting.
-Shaving your chest makes you queer. That one is true.
-Contrary to popular opinion, not all fat people smell bad. Just the sweaty ones.
-The Wilt Chamberlain sex conquest total is a bit fabricated. The final count wasn't just restricted to women as many of us were led to believe. The final tally took into account men, farm animals, and boa constrictors. Yes, you heard me correctly, the Big Dipper loved having sex with snakes.
-The Leaning Tower of Pisa didn't really come to be via a thunderous Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. However, Chuck Norris did, for his own amusement, mutate into the Brawny Paper towel guy and then proceeded to rape the hell out of Mrs. Buttersworth in the middle of the pancake aisle at a Piggly Wiggly store in Nebraska. Mrs. Buttersworth resisted at first, but later submitted to Chuck's charms. Afterwards, Mrs. Buttersworth admitted to the media that the Chuck Norris version of the Brawny Paper towel guy is much more aggressive than the regular version, yet somehow more gentle. When asked if Norris raped her using protection, Mrs. Buttersworth replied with a surprising, "Yes!" "And it was quilted for my pleasure."
-It was once rumored that the Olsen Twins started out as a top secret government experiment that went horribly wrong. That one is also true.
-A lot of people are under the impression that Boxer, from the book Animal Farm, was sent off in the meat wagon to be slaughtered and turned into glue once he was no longer able to work due to his injured leg. That is also a false interpretation of that scenario. Boxer was actually sent to the Bevery Hills Cosmetic Surgery Center to have his teeth transplanted into Julia Roberts mouth. And that's the tooth, the horse tooth, and nothing but the tooth!
-Through extreme discipline and concentration, Chuck Norris is able to use a 30 pound bowling ball when he competes in his Thursday night bowling league at Dunster Lanes. That rumor is extremely false. Chuck just looks at the pins and they fall down in fear. Besides, if he felt like using a bowling ball, it would be closer to 45 pounds and the ball would be on fire just to make things interesting. (On a side note: Chuck Norris actually did kill a fellow bowler with his bare hands because the bowler in question refused to wear bowling shoes.)
-The early bird gets the worm? Not true. The early bird is usually too tired to do anything but scratch his balls.
# posted by hucklebuck @ 11:18 AM 
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FYI
Somebody from Kentucky reached this site by typing "no man is allowed to shoot off a gun while his woman is having an orgasim..which state" in a yahoo search engine.
Says a lot about the content of this site I guess.
Somebody from Kentucky reached this site by typing "no man is allowed to shoot off a gun while his woman is having an orgasim..which state" in a yahoo search engine.
Says a lot about the content of this site I guess.
So this guys walks into confessional and says, "Father, is it a sin to be this pretty?" The priest answers, "No" So the guy says, "Then I got nuthin'."
Someone once asked me if I knew who Wilt Chamberlain was. I said a former Prime Minister of England. It makes a lot more sense that he was a basketball player. I couldn't see that many women and unsuspecting animals agreeing to have sex with a short, fat politician who wears bowties. But to be fair, Wilt Chamerlain and Winston Churchill sound an awfully lot alike to the untrained ear.
I'm sure Mr. Churchill got his fair share of tang. After all, he is revered by many as a man of action.
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