Thursday, October 19, 2006
Draft #155
So you're not sure if you're a fatty? Using Jeff Foxworthy as a springboard, I came up with a few warning signs.-If your kitchen has a deep fryer and numerous shelves in place specifically designed to hold large drums of lard...Then you might just be a fatty (or at least well on your way).
-If the only fruit you ever eat comes from the inside of a Pop Tart, a donut, or a pie...You might be a fatty.
-If you've ever written a letter to Nabisco inquiring as to if or when they will ever come out with "triple-stuffed" Oreos...You might be a fatty.
-If your sink has three knobs, one for cold, one for hot, and one for chocolate...You might be a fatty.
-If 1 of your 4 refrigerators doubles as a night stand...You might be a fatty.
-If you sweat profusely while eating cake (whether it's due to sheer excitement or overall fatigue)...You might be a fatty.
-If you have made it your goal for the weekend to try every one of Baskin Robbin's 31 flavors in both sugar and waffle cone...You might be a fatty.
-If you've ever plotted revenge against someone for eating the last brownie at a church outing...You might be a fatty.
-If the salt and pepper shakers on your kitchen table have recently been replaced by a can of Reddi Wip and a can of Easy Cheese...Then you might be a fatty.
-If you've ever spent more than $15 on yourself for lunch while dining at a Taco Bell...You might be a fatty.
-If you keep an emergency stash of beef jerky in the glove compartment of your car...You might be a fatty.
-If you've ever been invited to your pizza delivery man's birthday party...You might be a fatty.
-If you've ever uttered the phrase, "They just don't super-size it like they used to"...You might be a fatty.
-If you've ever been to a bowling alley and witnessed someone bowling a 300 game and the final box score reminded you of your shirt size...then you might be a big old fatty.
-If it takes a series of mirrors to see your own "equipment"...you probably already know.
-If you notice people cringing everytime you sit in a chair...you might be a fatty.
-If a picture of you can be found in the Ponderosa Hall of Fame...you might be a fatty.
-If you take your coffee with two sugars and mayonnaise...you might just be a fatty.
-If the mere sight of broccoli causes you to weep uncontrollably...you might be a fatty.
-If you find a half eaten turkey underneath the cushions of your couch and then proceed to dig around back there to try and find some gravy...you might just be a fatty.
# posted by hucklebuck @ 12:00 PM 
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