Friday, November 10, 2006
Draft #163
Freestyle Fridays (Because one of you noticed something was missing)-You want awkward? Trying watching television with your old man. Then turn the channel to Comedy Central where an episode of South Park is currently airing. Tell your father that this is a pretty funny show and then watch together in amazement as Mr. Garrison is persuaded into believing that there is no God by a male companion over dinner. This is followed by the two men going back to Mr. Garrison's apartment for some male-on-male action with Mr. Garrison taking it in the arse while talking dirty to his date. This all happened within five minutes of us turning the channel to Comedy Central and my dad had never before seen and/or heard of this program, so it was his first glimpse of the show. If you could only have seen the look on my dad's face. It pretty much said, "Wow, my son likes to watch homosexual cartoons. Great, just great." You could cut the uncomfortable with a knife I tell ya.
-I've seen a lot of crazy people standing at intersections talking to themselves in an overly excited manner lately as I drive through downtown. Those people scare me. They always appear to be quite angry and ready to snap at any moment.
-And the last time I drove through Marquette's campus I came across some students holding signs near an intersection. As I was braking to make my left hand turn they started to peer out towards my car like a pack of bums getting ready to clean my windshield. It was dark and the only words I could see on any of their signs were "honk" and "Doyle". I was too busy operating my vehicle through the crowd to participate in whatever hijinks they had brewing, and I could almost feel their collective sigh of disappointment as I passed through. I'm not sure how honking my horn would have helped their cause, but I got a kick out of upsetting them.
-This morning as I was walking into work I caught myself humming to the tune of "Oh do you know the muffin man". Seriously, who does that? I need a beating.
-I recently had a dream where I was being attacked. Something was biting my legs and I couldn't tell if it was a pregnant woman or a sheep dog. It looked like a combination of the two. Now I was brought up to be the kind of guy that doesn't hit woman, especially pregnant woman, so I didn't know what to do. I ended up swatting feverishly at the beastly figure with a stray table leg. I felt bad about it, but it was biting my ankles. What was I to do?
-You may or may not know this about me already, but I hate shrimp. Never liked it, never will.
-Doogie Howser, say it ain't so.
-If you've recently given birth to a son and you named him Scott, then you just named your child after a brand of toilet paper. Nice work. Might as well have just named him Poop while you were at it.
-Britney Spears finally ridding herself of that awful Kevin Federline kind of reminds me of the time I got rid of those nasty hemroids that were hampering me back in 85'. Trust me Britney, you'll feel like a whole new you.
-eHarmony claims that they can find you a mate based on 29 dimensions of compatibility. 29? Come on eHarmony, you can't round it up to 30 dimensions? 29 makes it look like you're not even trying. You could tell the people who use your product that having identical spine curvature makes for a long lasting relationship and I'm pretty sure they'd probably believe you. Let's get moving on this.
-People who throw their cigarette butts out of the window of their car as they are driving, are the scum of the earth. Witnessing that act pisses me off to no end. I don't know why, but it does.
-"That was just something you did back then." You may have heard one of your grandparent's use that line in reference to holding a door open for a woman, or using the word please. I just hope our society doesn't advance (probably the wrong word here) to the point where we use this phrase in reference to.....tipping the guy who wipes your ass (it was just something you did back then). If we as a nation get to the point were we feel it isn't even necessary to tip someone for that service, then I want out.
-Will one of you west coasters please try that Sirloin Ciabatta sandwich at Jack in the Box for me? It looks really good and I figured if I can't try it, the next best thing would be for you to do it and then describe how good it was to me. Coincidentally, that's the same approach I take with sex.
- I just got NBA League Pass and I probably won't be seeing the light of day for another five months now. Great idea Andy, great idea.
-Next time you visit youtube.com try looking up the clip of Freeway dancing at a UWM basketball game. That guy can fit more moves into a 14 second clip than you'd think would be humanly possible.
-Prediction. Deep-fried pizza will bring forth the end of civilization as we know it. I just first heard of this concoction yesterday. How long has this existed? Actually, if it is half as bad as deep-fried Oreos I don't want anything to do with it.
-I did something the other morning that required four flushes to get rid of, and I'm not ashamed to say that I was proud of it........unfortunately, I can't say the same thing about this entry.
# posted by hucklebuck @ 7:11 AM 
Comments:
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once again, you have brought a ray of sunshine into my otherwise gloomy friday mid day at work. my mind has mentally shut down for the day and this is the only thing which keeps me going some days.
That story about watching South Park with pa was outstanding, simply outstanding................and Amen Brother! on these asshats that throw cigarette butts out their car windows.
That should be your new slogan. And by the way, I completely agree with the cigarette throwing a-holes. There should be a law enacted where if we witness this, we are within our legal rights to ram into their car, or simply run them over when they get out of their car and put out cigarettes on them. Add to this group the f***ers who ride their bikes AGAINST traffic! My god I HATE that more than kazikstanis hate Borat. For the love of God, ride with traffic, walk against, it's not that difficult people.
And people who don't respond to electronic invitations....they should be tarred & feathered! I can't stand those people.
You try to organize a party and they just fock everything up.
It's not that hard, yes or no.
Oh....and people who chew on sponges. They make me sick.
You try to organize a party and they just fock everything up.
It's not that hard, yes or no.
Oh....and people who chew on sponges. They make me sick.
You know how eHarmony offers a free personality profile? I did it once for kicks, and they said they wouldn't accept me on their site because they couldn't classify me. So basically there's no hope for my love life. Ever.
Lauren, you probably mentioned your love affair with Stephen Colbert and the profile automatically detected how unbalanced you were.
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