Thursday, November 16, 2006
Draft #164
You currently live in West Bend. You currently live in West Bend with your parents. You currently live in West Bend with your parents and they recently decided to act as a host to a foreign exchange student named Tikitamborino Guasmahara for a couple of days until his permant host parents are able to move into their new house. Tiki will be in town for the weekend and it is up to you to show him a rousing good time. And since having a rousing good time in West Bend is no easy task, I've decided to come up with a daily log of activities that might help the two of you pass some time.Day One
9:00am- Wake Tiki up to the sound of, West Bend Company manufactured, pots and pans being bashed together while you scream in gibberish at the top of your lungs.
9:15am- Help Tiki into a fresh change of underwear.
9:25am- Convince Tiki to wear your sister's old New Kids on the Block T-shirt.
9:35am- Become impressed that even Tiki knew that the New Kids on the Block were gay.
9:45am- Take Tiki out for an All American style breakfast at Perkins.
10:00am- Arrive at Perkins.
10:37am- Get seated.
10:52am- Get noticed by waitress.
11:13am- Have your order taken.
11:42am- Receive your food.
11:43am-Discover that's not what you ordered.
11:45am- As the waitress takes the food back, ask Tiki if he'd like to go to Hankerson's for breakfast.
11:46am- Since Tiki doesn't care, just stick it out at Perkins.
11:57am- Receive your food.
12:25pm- Finish your meal and tell Tiki to go outside and start the car.
12:34pm- Order your favorite hot fudge dessert.
12:36pm- Once the waitress leaves your table, make a run for it. They won't even notice you're gone
12:38pm- Convince Tiki that it is "very American" to skip out on the check.
12:48pm- Arrive at the Paradise Mall.
12:50pm- Stand in parking lot and scratch your head while asking, "Where the hell did the arcade go?"
12:55pm- Show Tiki what a Shopko is like.
1:05pm- Get kicked out of Shopko for inadvertently hitting an employee via an errant pass with a Nerf football.
1:06pm- Tell the manager kicking you out of the store, "Oh yeahhhhhh....well Shopko sucks! If I wanted to get hassled by a bunch of freaks, I'd go to Kewaskum."
1:15pm- Hang out at Paradise Mobil for awhile. Ask the clerks if you still get a discount on a carwash if you fill up your tank. Ask them why gas prices are so high. Tell them your every inane opinion on the topic of Krispy Kremes. Make a couple of free copies just because you can and not because you need to. Scan through all the magazines without buying one. Drop a number two in the urinal. Spill a soda so the floor is sticky the rest of the day. Take a couple of "sample" handfuls of popcorn. Ask where the napkins and lids are located. Smoke a cigarette next to one of the pumps as you fill up. Basically, do whatever you can to piss the employees off (because people seemingly schedule time out of their day to do that).
2:22pm- Make your way over to Decorah Rd.
2:31pm- Start combing the high schools in order to find a temporary mate for Tiki.
2:47pm- Stand in the parking lot scratching your head saying, "What a bunch of prudes."
3:00pm- Go to the Y and shoot some hoops.
3:40pm- Avoid the showers at all costs.
3:45pm- Say, "What a focking waste this was" when driving past the skateboard park.
4:00pm- Play home run derby at Riverside Park. When Tiki comments on your great talents, tell him it's all natural, unlike those filthy major leaguers.
4:42pm- Drive past Dan Kovalakse's house and think to yourself, "Man, I wonder what that guy is doing?" Then witness Jason Dondelinger standing in Kovo's old driveway scratching his head, wondering the same thing.
5:00pm- Time for supper. Visit Big Apple Bagels and immediately pass on paying $17.42 for a bagel sandwich.
5:10pm- Head on over to A&W for a Coney dog and a root beer float.
5:15pm- Curse aloud the day that place left town.
5:20pm- Start asking the question that everyone in West Bend asks their friends, "So....what do you want to do?" Then spend the next 30 minutes twiddling your thumbs.
5:50pm- Stop by Janulie's for a slice of pie.
6:10pm- Mention to Tiki the time your dad took you to the Candy Man.
6:11pm- Go to Brazen Head and have a beer.
6:25pm- Have another.
6:40pm- And another.
7:09pm- Just one more.
7:30pm- Head over to Regner Park to see if the Benders are in town.
7:45pm- Read the scoreboard and try to convince Tiki that this isn't a football game.
7:50pm- Do a little crawfishing in the disease free Milwaukee River.
7:55pm- When Tiki complains about having to take a tinkle, just tell him to do it in the river. Everyone else does.
8:25pm- When Tiki complains about how there's nothing to do in this town, then it's time to pull out the big guns.
8:40pm- Take him to the Bagg End.
8:45pm- Introduce him to half of your graduating class.
9:15pm-midnight- Drink pitcher after pitcher of beer.
Midnight- Try to hook Tiki up with the fattest girl in the bar.
12:15am- Stop at Taco Bell for a couple of grilled stuffs.
12:30am- See what TJ Strachota is up to.
12:35am- Ask him if it is okay for Tiki and his date to crash at his place for the night since both of your parents are home.
12:36am- Once he declines, drop the two off at Decorah Hills Park and let nature run its course.
Day Two
11:00am- Clean Tiki off with a garden hose and then take the fatty back to her living quarters.
11:30am through the rest of the day: Reminisce about Day One.
# posted by hucklebuck @ 11:01 AM 
Comments:
<< Home
absolutely fantastic, especially the kovo/dondlinger riffs, Brazen Head (btw, we need to make a trip back there some weekend), Bagg End, and Strachota. I don't care how long it takes you to get a post up, it is always worth the wait
Post a Comment
<< Home
