Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Draft #174
Pick Your Poison
1. Who would you rather be manhandled by in a fight, Brooke Hogan or the actor who played Bobby Brady from the Brady Bunch?
-That's a tough one. Brooke is a manly sized woman while Bobby Brady is a womanly sized man. If either of them decided to call in for backup, Brooke would most likely be calling on the 24-inch pythons while Bobby would call on big brother Greg. I'd never turn down the chance to beat the crap out of Greg Brady (that big dork), so I guess my answer is Bobby Brady. Although I can't imagine a much worse scenario than having your arms pinned back by Greg and Peter Brady while that little freckly faced spaz repeatedly rabit puched me in the rib cage.
2. Would you rather be a high school janitor or a garbage man?
-Wouldn't I be picking up trash either way? This is the dumbest question ever. The janitor gets to pick up trash indoors, but has to deal with the messiness that is commonly associated with toilet care. Garbage men, from what I hear, get lots of chicks. So I'd pick garbage man.
3. You're stranded on an island for 8 months and the only thing you can eat during that time is Grape Nuts cereal or bandaids soaked in motor oil. What do you choose?
-Without blinking I would choose the bandaids soaked in motor oil because I'm pretty sure eating those would cause me to vomit and I have a feeling that my vomit might taste a lot better than the Grape Nuts.
4. Who scares you more, clowns or astronauts?
-Definitely clowns. They're basically hobo's with makeup. Although there's something to be said for Russian astronauts and their unwillingness to bathe.
5. What candy bar angers you the most, York pepperment patties or the Hershey bar?
-York peppermint patties have been pissing me off for years. That crap shouldn't even be labeled as candy. If you think chocolate covered toothpaste is a treat then you are an idiot and I don't think we should be friends anymore. (I liked this joke the first time I heard it when Jim Gaffigan told it, I just realized this now). As far as the Hershey bar goes, could it Be more boring?
6. If you became a porn star today how would you begin your first scene ever? Pizza delivery man or confused caveman?
-As tempting as it would be to deliver the classic "Did somebody order a pizza with extra sausage" line, I'd have to go with the confused caveman. Not because I like it wild but because I'm thinking the script would be easier to follow.
7. Who would you rather have on your basketball team, Allen Iverson or a piece of driftwood?
-Both can catch fire, but the the driftwood is more of a team player.
8. What's more irritating, sand in your shoe or water in your ear?
-The process for getting rid of water from my ears is a lot more taxing than the steps involved for getting sand out of my shoe. The real question should be would I rather have poopoo on my shoe or gum in my hair?
9. What would you rather have as a pet a gerbil or a goldfish?
-Can you flush gerbils down a toilet? If yes, then I choose gerbils. If no, I choose goldfish. For me, it's all about the convenience of disposal since I anticipate forgetting to feed either animal from time to time.
10. What's worse, never learning how to read or never learning how to ride a bike?
-People have made their way through life without learning either, but I'd say not knowing how to ride a bike is more embarrassing.
11. What takes more grit, drinking Fleischmann's brand vodka or utilizing public transportation?
-The weird thing is, somebody right this instance is probably doing both at the same time. Personally, I wouldn't be caught dead doing either one of them.
12. Will the Chicago Bears be knocked out of the playoffs in the second or third round?
-Both scenarios sound fantastic. I haven't seen anything this over-hyped since Todd Marinovich.
13. What would you rather have for Christmas, a comb used by Bert Reynolds or a case of Yo-J?
-Carrying around a comb previously owned by Bert Reynolds would be an ultimate conversation starter. But on the other hand Yo-J combines the great tastes of yogurt and orange juice, a taste sensation that sounds almost too good to be true. But I gotta go with the comb.
14. Who could have used a good spanking the most, Sally Fields in Mrs. Doubtfire or the Joan Cusack that appears in those U.S. Cellular commercials?
-Just phone Joan is in desperate need of a hearty spanking and I'm just the man to deliver it. She's a very naughty girl, she just doesn't know it yet.
15. And finally, who would you rather have show up to your birthday party, Flavor Flav or Chuck Norris?
-I know. I just blew your mind.
# posted by hucklebuck @ 11:09 AM 
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Remember the kick that Crazy Joe Divola hit Kramer with? He played a clown in that same episode...........now that is one scary jester.
That wasn't the same episode he got kicked in the head. He dressed like a clown a few episodes before that. C'mon learn your Seinfeld. He was kicked in the head in the episode, "The pitch/The ticket". He wore the clown outfit in the episode, "The Opera".
Yes, I am a loser
Yes, I am a loser
The kick to the head and the muffin are in the same episode though, right?
Nate- Congrats on making it to the championship game in fantasy football. It must feel like sweet redemption from the colossal collapse of 2004.
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Nate- Congrats on making it to the championship game in fantasy football. It must feel like sweet redemption from the colossal collapse of 2004.
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