Friday, December 22, 2006
Draft #175
Freestyle Fridays (Where we're starting this thing bright and early)
It is currently 7:40 in the AM as I write this and you are reading the newest installment of all things random.....
-Today is the official start to winter. There is nothing humorous about that.
-As I was waking up this morning on my sister's couch at 4:20am I saw something on the TV that read as follows: In 1659 Massachusetts passed a law that made celebrating Christmas a criminal offense. I just thought that was something you should know. But that was back in the day when you could get flogged for almost anything, like not lining up single file at the DMV.
-All I want for Christmas is a sunburn......and maybe some Chex Mix.
-If Brenda Lee's version of Rockin Around the Christmas tree doesn't put you in a good mood then nothing on this planet ever will, and may God have mercy on your soul.
-If you don't know who Minka Kelly is by now then do yourself a favor and check out the link.
-Pat Graven makes the best Oreo ice cream tort in the Western Hemisphere.
-David Lee's tip-in against the Bobcats in double overtime on Wednesday night with 0.1 seconds remaining in the game was one of the greatest plays of all time. If you don't believe me, ask one of the other five people who watched that game.
-Top 100 warning signs that you might be ugly: Warning #46 You are getting some pictures taken for your husband at a professional studio and you overhear the photographer saying to his assistant, "Good Lord, photoshop is going to be hurting in the morning."
-Here's something I'd be surprised to get from Santa Claus: A tub of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" That would definitely be one of those...I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry gifts.
-Do people in Asia kiss on top of the mistletoe?
-There won't be snow in Africa this Christmas....but you better believe my mom's balls will be filled with rum....Wait a second....that didn't come out right.
-Rudolph the raging alcoholic reindeer, had a very shiny nose.
-I don't understand why Brawny paper towels have such girly flower patterns on them. I thought that was supposed to be a manly paper towel? If the Brawny paper towel guy is whipped then there's no hope for the rest of us.
-A guy walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "So what a you'll have?" Guy says I'll have the house specialty. The bartender replies, "You want a one legged hooker with a stammering problem?" Guy asks, "You really have those here?" Bartender replies, "Sir.....we are in Kentucky." Guy says, "I'll take mine with a lime then."
(If anyone can turn that into a Norman Rockwell for me, please do)
-A recent study showed that individuals who drink Budweiser out of an officially licensed Nascar can coolie on a semi-daily basis are 100% more likely to beat their spouses than individuals who work in a monastery.
-If you were to name your son Griswold, would he be more likely to grow up an ax murderer or a serial killer?
-I don't think any of you really grasp how much I hate colored socks. They look horrible on everybody.
-My Christmas list for Santa this year included socks, two pillows, and a stir fry pan. If you think I'm kidding then think again.
-Lucy Van Pelt from Peanuts is a complete skank.
-Zach Randolph of the Portland Trailblazers looks a lot like Eddie Winslow from Family Matters.
# posted by hucklebuck @ 5:38 AM 
