Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Draft #177
The Prima Donna
People often ask me, "Hey Andy, if you don't start work until 8:30 in the morning then why do you get up at 5:00?" I usually respond to that question by telling the person that it's none of their business and that they are welcome to go suck on a huge bag of lemons. But after so many inquiries even I started to wonder, "What the hell am I doing all morning and why does it take me so long to get ready?"
Some people have told me that I probably spend a good 50 minutes a morning trying to tame the tiger or fondle the frankfurter and those accusations are absolutely, positively, completely false. Thanks to superior genes, activities such as those usually take no more than 2 to 3 minutes, tops.....and that's even if I decided to engage in such apprehensible affairs. Only a complete ogre emancipates his erectlamation more than one or two times per lunar month. And since I am a man of high moral decorum then you can be assured that I only fall to the seduction of the slippery seal trouncing, but once or twice a year.
And since I'm not spending my mornings diddle daddling with my doodlebug, then I guess that still leaves three and a half hours worth of unexplained time. And while I still retain that it's none of your damned business, I have graciously decided to fill you in on my morning routine.
For starters I set my alarm clock every morning (Mon-Thur) for 5am. I also set my cell phone's alarm clock for 5:05 am just incase of an unexpected power outage. So after the second alarm sounds, I rub my eyes, turn on the light, and then proceed to curse out the cold, my work situation, my shoddy physical conditioning, my lack of a stable relationship, and all who have wronged me in any conceivable capacity.
At this point it is about 5:15 or 5:20 and it is time to put in my contacts and then let mother nature do her business (aka--drop some dirty bananas into the wishing well...also aka--take a morning crud). Once, I've lightened the load, I put on the running sweats and make my way out for a morning jog at about 5:35-5:45.
I usually make it back to the homestead around 6:25-6:35 assuming I haven't been mauled by an angry raccoon or an uneven sidewalk crack. Once I'm back I do some stretching and some crunches (if the mood hits me--which is almost never) and then I'm ready to hit the showers at about 6:45-6:55. At this point I really have to watch the clock because my roommate gets up at about 7:30 and I have to be out of the bathroom by then and I still have to shower, futz with my hair, eat breakfast, clean my cereal bowl and orange juice glass, brush my teeth, get dressed, and make my bed. I shave on Tuesdays so I eliminate breakfast from the routine on that day to help save time.
God willing, I am able to hit the road by 7:45 inorder to get to work by 8:10. It's possible to leave my place a half hour before I'm supposed to start work and still make it on time, but the traffic has to be moving absolutely smoothly for that to happen and that's something I don't like banking on too often.
So there you have it, my morning routine. Before the holidays when my jogging route was around Miller Park and I was able to run the whole thing without stopping too often, the running portion of my morning routine would take me only 30-35 minutes. But now I've found a new route and I'm walking a little more so the running portion takes me a good hour (I'm basically running/walking from Miller Park to Leff's Luckytown).
Make sure to check in tomorrow to read a brand new installment of Freestyle Friday where I'll be discussing the usual topics; food, sports, things I saw on TV, girls, food, and things you can do with your arm pits.
This is Hucklebuck signing off and reminding you that.......if it's been over two months since YOUR last blog entry, maybe YOU should just shutty uppy........thanks for the comment.
# posted by hucklebuck @ 12:06 PM 
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Thanks Kurt!
BTW, did either you or Ed molest me last weekend while I was sleeping at Pat's?
My therapist said that I'm supposed to tell you that I don't appreciate being violated.
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BTW, did either you or Ed molest me last weekend while I was sleeping at Pat's?
My therapist said that I'm supposed to tell you that I don't appreciate being violated.
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