Friday, February 02, 2007
Draft #180
Freestyle Fridays (It's more fun than counting sheep but just barely)
-The first four things that run through a guy's mind just after he's been kicked in the satchel:
1) I can't believe I just got kicked in the satchel
2) What kind of a person would actually kick somebody in the satchel?
3) It feels like my satchel is in my stomach
4) I hope I never get kicked in the satchel again because this bloody hurts
-Something you could say to a girl that might get you kicked in the satchel:
Hey baby you have a very pretty smile....vertically speaking that is.
-Watching part of the Miami Heat game last night I couldn't help but notice that Jimmy Buffett was sitting courtside and he seemed to be having a really good time. If the NBA is good enough for Jimmy, shouldn't the NBA be good enough for you? If the NBA isn't fantastic then why would Jimmy be in attendance? These are questions some of you should be asking yourself.
-For those of you who were bored as all get up last Friday night (Nate) you missed out on another great time in downtown Milwaukee. Here's what you missed:
1) Meeting a former University of Kentucky linebacker who happened to be the brother of a former University of Michigan quarterback. And not just meeting meeting, but he was hanging out with us the whole night.
2) Free admission to Buckhead's.
3) The biggest bar brawl in Buckhead's history....which we were in the middle of thanks to the douchebag that mouthed off to the wrong linebacker. Alright, maybe it wasn't the biggest fight in the history of the establishment but it was by far the biggest one I've ever seen in person. I'm pretty sure Haus stabbed a guy.
-So I'm standing in line at the gang bang and I ask the guy in front of me:
Me: "Hey, what number are you?"
Guy: "My ticket says I'm number 742."
Me: "Hey, I'm 743! How about that?"
After an awkward pause I asked the same guy,
Me: "Do you think she'll be pussing by the time we get up there?"
Guy: "I sure hope not."
Me: "Yeah, me too."
-I literally just overheard a co-worker talking about how she wants to go to a particular bar on Layton Ave. that serves 22 oz. Bloody Marys before she dies. Wow, talk about your lofty aspirations. Some people want to hang glide off a cliff in the Bahamas or travel around Europe before they die, but not this lady, she wants to check out a bar on the other side of town to sample a tomato based alcoholic beverage. Good times.
-My Super Bowl prediction: In a tight game, the outcome will be determined on a halfback option pass by Cedric Benson. His pass will be intercepted though by Bob Sanders who will get creamed by Rex Grossman on his return attempt after running in the open field for about 15 yards. Ruben Brown will pick up Sander's fumble and rumble into the endzone carrying five Colts on his back. Gould misses the extra point forcing an overtime and Peyton Manning hits Aaron Moorehead for a game winning touchdown pass on the very first play. Colts win 26-20.
-On a divorce application under the "Reasons for Filing" section, I wonder how specific some of the options are? I'm pretty sure irreconcilable differences is one of the options but what else do you have to choose from on that list? Can you check off a box next to "Her apple pies lost their zest" or "She hasn't gotten off the couch in 5 weeks?" I'd be pleasantly surprised to find that "Bad Haircut" was on that list of choices. "Honey, I understand your need for a change but if you get your hair cut like that again I will have no other choice but to file for divorce." I'm sure that situation arises often enough to warrent its own box on that checklist.
-But seriously folks, when was the last time you had a jelly filled doughnut? I can't even remember when, and that's a damned shame.
-Studies have shown that drinking beer out of a large glass boot is 25% more fun than drinking beer out of an empty glass peanut jar. The study went on to show that people who regularly drink beer out of either container are 73% more fun to hang out with than someone who pickles their own vegetables. Obviously, this isn't a very brainy study.
-If Febtober Fest continues to expand at the rate it is currently expanding, it will become a National Holiday by 2014. The guest list will include numerous celebrities and I will be serving punch behind a table in a white suit with a name tag that has my name misspelled. Nate will stumble by my wing of the party late at night and ask if we went to high school together. I will tell him I never graduated high school and he will tell me that is probably why I serve punch for a living. I will ignore his comment and will be thankful for having had the chance to meet Dana Carvey.
-Last week I engaged in some good old fashioned bartering with the roommate. I traded him a can of generic white soda and a leftover unit of sweet sour dipping sauce from McDonald's in exchange for a slice of Roundy's American cheese and one farm fresh egg. I was eating some chicken nuggets in the other room and he told me that he was donating an egg to my stash since he had one left in his carton and he was trying to make room in the fridge. I returned his favor by donating an extra sauce container to his collection of food (a noble gesture if I've ever seen one). A couple minutes later he asked if he could have a can of soda from my stash and I said only if I can have a slice of cheese. So was this a fair deal or did somebody get taken for a ride?
-I'm thinking of giving Oil Can Harry a run for his money by starting up my own band and calling it Oil Pan Gary. We are going to rock twice as hard! Just you wait.
-Punxsutawney just looks like a misspelled word even when it's spelled correctly.
-What is Lisa Turtle doing these days? I've seen Zack, Slater, Kelly, Jesse, and Screech in a different TV program, movie, or tabloid since Saved By the Bell. Everyone of them has found a way to make it to the public eye in some form or another, except for Lisa. Can't she find any work? This doesn't seem right to me. If she ended up marrying Mr. Belding or something terrible like that please don't tell me, I'd much rather remain in the dark.
# posted by hucklebuck @ 7:00 AM 
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Look, Mr. Buffett is well renowned for his love of the "hippie lettuce", just ask the Jamaican gov't that put bullet holes in his plane a few years back. Obviously you have to be high to tolerate watching the NBA, much like most of the players are............I have to admit, I might be a huge NBA fan under the "correct circumstances".
ballbach, you will forever be linked to Febtoberfest and will never be forgotten. Everyone who attended the first ever event will always have a special place in the lore of the holiday
Pat- Apparently Anna Kournikova enjoys attending NBA games as well and you can read about it at:
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/070202
Your whole world is crashing down around you Pat, time to join the masses before it's too late!! Tomorrow you'll wake up and read that Bruce Springsteen just purchased the Atlanta Hawks because he's been a closet fan for years and I'm not sure you could handle that kind of shocking news at this point.
"The NBA, where the bounce passes are as crisp as a Colorado morning"
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/070202
Your whole world is crashing down around you Pat, time to join the masses before it's too late!! Tomorrow you'll wake up and read that Bruce Springsteen just purchased the Atlanta Hawks because he's been a closet fan for years and I'm not sure you could handle that kind of shocking news at this point.
"The NBA, where the bounce passes are as crisp as a Colorado morning"
Nate, great news:
I just discovered that the NBA Slam Dunk Contest (presented by Sprite) will be airing on the same night as your birthday! It's another Febtoberfest miracle!!
I just discovered that the NBA Slam Dunk Contest (presented by Sprite) will be airing on the same night as your birthday! It's another Febtoberfest miracle!!
It's nice that the Slam Dunk Contest is on the 17th and will have Michael Jeffrey Jordan, Dr. J, Kobe, Dominique and some others as the officials. It is also nice that we can celebrate with Michael as he turns 44 on that day, the day of Febtoberfest. But, that is not the anniversary of my birth. The Febtoberfest miracle is that the slam dunk contest is the same night as Febtoberfest, but not that it is the same night as my burfday.
When we were walking through the concourse of the Bradley Center during the Sonics/Bucks game I asked if your birthday and Febtoberfest were on the same day this year and you said yes. So now I'm really confused. I'm to the point where I will refute any date you try to pass off as your birthday and from here on out the 17th will be your new date of birth.
Anyway, Hucklebuck even thinks the Slam Dunk Contest is a waste, and Hucklebuck likes the NBA. I don't care if Big Bird himself is judging the Contest, it's a stupid concept.
Anyway, Hucklebuck even thinks the Slam Dunk Contest is a waste, and Hucklebuck likes the NBA. I don't care if Big Bird himself is judging the Contest, it's a stupid concept.
Hey, Anna's my #1 girl because she's "hotter than Dutch love".........being honest, i'm sure she's dumber than a bag of hammers, which would explain her presence.
And i would like you to document for me the last time you saw a crisp bounce pass in an NBA game..........maybe when "the Couse" was feeding Bill Charmin on the break? I hear the likes of Iverson are trying to get David Stern to ban passing, period...........isn't that an unwritten rule already???
And i would like you to document for me the last time you saw a crisp bounce pass in an NBA game..........maybe when "the Couse" was feeding Bill Charmin on the break? I hear the likes of Iverson are trying to get David Stern to ban passing, period...........isn't that an unwritten rule already???
7:49 am, 2/18/1982, St. Joseph's Hospital, West Bend, WI 8lbs 10oz., 22 inches
I may have been drunk when I told you that info. Last year they fell on the same day, but not this year, unfortunately.
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I may have been drunk when I told you that info. Last year they fell on the same day, but not this year, unfortunately.
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