Friday, March 02, 2007
Draft #185
Freestyle Fridays (Home to the world's largest sausage factory)
-Last Saturday afternoon, due to extreme bordem, I did 40 girl pushups. Consequently, my triceps and chest muscles were sore for the entire week. Double consequently, that makes me a huge (the word I'd like to use in this space starts with a "p" and rhymes with goosey).
-I've recently learned how to successfully steam a tortilla, and I can now replicate Qdoba's chicken burritos with 87.3% accuracy.
-Once when I was little, I ate an entire 8 pack of crayons.
-My top secret, I hope nobody else drafts these guys, super sleeper fantasy baseball picks for 2007 include: Vicente Padilla, Steve Finley, Travis Fryman, Jose Lind, Orlando Hernandez, Fernando Vina, Damian Miller, Jeff Kent, Jim Edmonds, J.D. Drew, and Jose Mesa. I'm expected big things from these guys, so don't blow my cover.
-The answer to the question of the week is.....No. I am not smarter than a 5th grader. I actually thought mixing yellow with red made green. I should be flogged with bamboo for countless hours until the stupid was knocked straight out of me.
-Observation of the week: Most 5th graders are arrogant pricks.
-When I was in 5th grade we had a table in our classroom where you could sit down and read "A Light in the Attic" by Shel Silverstein. The book of poems was accompanied by a tape player and headphones so you could listen to the book on tape. But instead of listening to the cassette that was for the book, my friends and I would listen to Sir Mixalot, Vanilla Ice, and M.C. Hammer tapes.
-In 5th grade my pen name for our creative writing class was Mello Yello. I believe I submitted an interesting piece on Tim Hardaway and an angry snake that bit him on his way to school as a youngster. If I remember correctly, the story garnered four out of a possible five stars. I probably would have received five stars had I just come up with an original character instead of using an NBA all-star as the protagonist, but the Golden State Warriors were a pretty big deal back then with Webber and Sprewell so I went with what I knew.
-In 5th grade I was voted most likely to run over a bicyclist with my car once I was old enough to drive.
-In 7th grade, it turned out that Philip Spreeman should have been the one to win that award.
-The snowbanks in West Bend are the size of mountains.
-Call me old fashioned, but I like sub oil AND mayo on my hoagies.
-Portage, Wisconsin was recently voted the 15th most boring city on the planet earth by Wood Whittler's Magazine. This announcement has folks in Portage hoping that the public will soon forget their other claim to fame....the world's most populous city of gangrenous citizens.
-After digging up some background information on Barbaro, it turns out the famed horse was a longtime steroid abuser and he fathered 14 colts in Gary, Indiana under the name Steve.
-My fake perverted grandfather once told me that if a girl has extremely calloused hands that it could mean one of five things......and one of them is a really good thing. 20 years later, I still have no idea what he was talking about.
# posted by hucklebuck @ 11:07 AM 
