Thursday, April 05, 2007
Draft #189
Freestyle Fridays (The place to be when you feel like you're the only one working on Good Friday)
-I attended my second Brewers game of the season on Wednesday night and enjoyed the contest from the friendly confines of the left field bleachers. And I have to say, I like what I'm seeing thus far from the fans seated in the bleacher seats. Left fielder, Luis Gonzalez had been habitually harassed and tormented by the rowdy Brewers faithful for the entire game. And I don't care what line of work you are in, if you have a large group of people just over your shoulder screaming out, "You Suck" throughout the entire course of your workday, it will eventually take its toll on you. Could you imagine a garbageman being followed on his route every morning by a pack of college-aged punks in a pickup truck equipped with high powered bullhorns? "Hey garbageman, I heard you couldn't hack it in the recycling biz. What? Couldn't seperate the papers from the plastics? You stink garbageman!! I see you eyeing up that old garden hose Mr. garbageman. You should use it to hang yourself. Better yet, just jump in the back of the truck and end it!! Jump, Jump, Jump, Jump...You suck!! We're gonna be here all day....we're following your ass back to the dump bee-otch. You got nothing left old man, this next stop is a four bagger, you're toast!!"
Ok, you get my point, verbal harassment is a powerful tool and the fans in the left field bleachers have set a nice tone for the 07' season, so let's just hope this continues the rest of the way. Two people that happened to be sitting in the bleachers (one wearing a Cubs hat, the other a Dodgers hat) were mercilessly berated from a section away by a group of Brewers fans that may or may not have been drinking for most of that afternoon, and I'm not betting on the latter scenario. I'm not even sure what the Brewers fans were saying to the two guys but they were saying it for the duration of one or two innings and it was enough to get the guy in the Dodgers hat to give the finger to our section and a few fist pounds to his chest as if to say, "You want some of this?" Eventually the guy in the Cubs hat got out of his seat and started heading toward our section to find the ringleader (presumably to grind his jaw into powder by way of the fist-to-face method). After about 5 seconds of sitting in a seat that was closer to our section, a group of people stood up and starting pointing at Cubs hat guy while chanting, "Check his ticket, check his ticket." Finally the ushers adhered to the call and dragged both the Cubs and Dodgers fans out of the entire bleachers section altogether while our section chanted, "Usher, usher, usher." The usher waved his cap in appreciation, and an awkward situation was had by all.
But for my money, the best part of the evening was the four guys sitting in front of me. Sammy (looked a bit like Taylor Heaps) was the head of the group from what I could gather. I'm assuming these were all "tail end of college" aged fellows, probably 22-24 years old. Sammy looked like the college student that never opened a textbook, hit up every weeknight bar special, got by with B's somehow and will eventually charm his way into employment one day (the word sucker could also be used in place of charm in that last sentence). He just had me laughing the whole game, he was wearing a homemade Bill Hall jersey for crying out loud. Anytime Hall came to the plate Sammy would standup in jubilation while using his thumbs to point to the back of his T-shirt where the name "Hall" and the number two were proudly stenciled in blue on his wrinkled white cotton Hanes.
The second member of the group went by the name Fresno. From what I could gather, Fresno loathes the very existance of Kevin Mench. The hatred may come from the fact that Fresno was a rabid Carlos Lee fan and still feels quite jaded from the trade and Mench is a painful reminder, or Fresno just hates individuals with excessively large craniums, one of the two. Fresno is the one guy in the group that doesn't drink until his nose bleeds and if he had it his way he probably wouldn't drink at all on a weekday but given enough peer pressure he will indulge in a beer or two to the delight of the crew as a whole. During the game Mench had taken a pitch for a ball and Fresno responded facetiously by saying, "Wow, what an eye." Sammy fired back without hesitating, "He's got an eye like DiMaggio!" (that exchange killed me for some reason) At one point in the evening the group was debating over what was Fresno's all time greatest moment. They had it narrowed down between the time he grabbed a drink from that one guy and drank it infront of him or the time he passed out in the parking lot. I had no idea what the hell they were talking about but both moments sounded pretty pathetic out of context. What's even more pathetic is that my two greatest moments might not be too far off from that level of achievement. Bad times.
The third member of the group goes by the name of Iceman. He is the roundest member of the group and he spilled one of his beers during the game, nearly dousing Fresno in the process. Sammy spent most of the night trash talking Iceman in regards to this "Death Match" the two were going to have after the game. Apparently the two had some unfinished beer ponging to attend to and Sammy couldn't have been more excited/optimistic about the remaining amount of High Life back at the apartment that would be used to settle said Death Match. The only other thing I remember Iceman bringing to the table was the story of how he nailed one of his mom's friends recently. And if you've ever actually seen the Iceman in person you can understand why I tuned out at that moment.
The forth guy I never caught the name of and I'm pretty sure he's just an assistant to Sammy in some form or another. You can tell he has a strong sense of loyalty which presents itself in the form of his sideburns, they just look like they've been there for awhile. He finds something and sticks with it, socially acceptable or not. If Sammy were to take a leave of absence, guy number 4 would probably take control of the group. Sammy suggested they go to Chicago to see a Cubs game in June and that they should probably look into getting tickets sometime soon. Guy#4 pointed out that it may be too late to get tickets even though Sammy thought plenty would be available. Lets say for example that the other three guys come to the conclusion on a Friday night that lighting a car on fire might be something fun they could do, guy #4 strikes me as their only voice of reason. He was also the only person to challenge Sammy's stance on Brady Quinn being married to A.J. Hawk's sister, so yeah.
As it turns out; 1) This wasn't very much of a freestyle today. 2) The Brewers ended up losing that game. And 3) The "I heard Jeff Kent sexually harasses cattle" joke that I thought I said loud enough for the guys infront of me to hear, didn't go over so well. How do you sexually harass a cow you ask? Just grab her on it's hind quarters and say, "Hey sweet teats." I don't know, Kent just strikes me as the type of guy who sexually harasses farm animals. I could be wrong though.
-Since spring is offically here and baseball fever is in the air, I couldn't resist having a hot dog this week. And after the first one I told myself I'd try to keep a running log of how many linked sausages I eat this season. So far I'm at 5 hot dogs and 3 brats. Granted two of the brats were Boca soy brats and the 5 hot dogs were turky dogs, but I say it's repulsive either way. Kovo told me soy makes you grow breasts, is that true? My already B-cupped pair hopes not.
Have a Happy Easter everybody!
# posted by hucklebuck @ 11:22 AM 
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That sounds like the action you would see out in left field at County rather than Miller Park. I believe we are the only two people stuck making a living this afternoon. Go Brew Crew!
My friend, you have had 0 brats and 0 hotdogs, that Hollywood shit don't play here in the midwest. What the hell is wrong with you? First, it's nothing but veggies on a pizza, next it's soy and tofu-based linked sausage? Why do I get the feeling the next time I see you you're going to be hugging some tree while sporting some clothes made from hemp? You better hunker down with a few extra helpings of Easter ham if tommorrow if you want to get my respect back.
And yes, soy products can lead to gynomastea. Considering your diet, looks like the bro or manzier may be in your future.
And yes, soy products can lead to gynomastea. Considering your diet, looks like the bro or manzier may be in your future.
John, say hi to Brady Clark for me.
Pat, we all have our downfalls. Some guys have excessively low hanging sacks, others have abnormally large breasts. All we can hope for is that society accepts us for who we are.
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Pat, we all have our downfalls. Some guys have excessively low hanging sacks, others have abnormally large breasts. All we can hope for is that society accepts us for who we are.
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