Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Draft #191.5
100 Things I Remember About The 2006-2007 NBA Season
(in no particular order)
100. Charlie Villanueva moving around the court like someone had just spent a half hour prior to the game beating him in the legs with a crowbar.
99. Andrew Bogut looking like he just rolled out of bed a half an hour before each game.
98. Eddy Curry playing an entire season without ridding himself of his love handles. How is that possible?
97. Zach Randolph being spotted at a strip club the same night and same time the Trail Blazers had a home game in Portland. It's OK though, he was on a bereavement leave.
96. Dwight Howard's metamorphosis into the next Shaq.
95. Yao Ming is still freaking ginormous! Reminds me of Will Ferrell's character in the movie Elf playing basketball against the "normal sized" elves. I haven't seen anything that unnatural since Ben Filzen's potato sized turd in the West boy's locker room.
94. Desmond Mason's jump shot somehow becoming even more fundamentally awkward.
93. January 5th, 2007. LeBron James finishes the game against the Bucks with 8 points and zero dunks. I'm not even sure his glandular system even thought about sweating.
92. Elton Brand looking stupid in a head band, some players just weren't meant for that look and he's one of them.
91. The last second shot that Gilbert Arenas hit in Washington (D.C.) against the Bucks to win the game. Did I mention it was nearly from halfcourt?
90.LeBron James three quarters court shot in Boston.
89. Dwight Howard's last second alley-oop dunk to beat the Spurs.
88. David Lee's game winning tip in with 0.1 seconds remaining.
87. Nate Robinson rejecting one of Yao Ming's shots.
86. Shaun Livingston's gruesome knee injury. I thought he pulled a Thiesmann (shattered tibia/fibula) when I originally saw it, but it turns out he just busted his knee cap and tore every ligament that has anything to do with the knee joint. He should be full at strength by the tip-off of the 2011 season.
85. Ray Allen's commercial glorifiying the WNBA. Bad times.
84. Chris Webber wearing the jersey number 84 for the Detroit Pistons, just an absolute eyesore. Player's jersey numbers should never go higher than 55. Anything higher than that is just plain Tom foolery (Although Artest's #91 seems to suit him well, probably because he's nucking futs).
83. Watching Donyell Marshall, Grant Hill, and Jason Kidd (1994 draft classmates) motoring around the court and me asking myself, "Why isn't Glenn Robinson still playing?"
82. Amare Stoudemire's recovery from microfracture knee surgery went pretty well I'd say (20 points/10 rebounds a game). He's definitely joining Dwight Howard in the "guys that will be taken in the 1st round of your fantasy draft" list for the next 8 years.
81. If the Bucks cheerleaders made wardrobe changes for this season, I'm guessing they erred on the side of slutty as opposed to not slutty enough. Good times.
80. Nene Hilario's in-season body transformation. He went from soft and out of shape to ripped in about 4 months. Nene, if you could pass on whatever regiment you are using over to Eddy Curry the entire city of New York would appreciate it.
79. Jared Reiner looks like a roided up version of Terry Stotts.
78. Sam Cassell still looks like a marcian from outer space.
77. Apparently it's impossible to talk about Andrew Bynum without mentioning Kareem Abdul-Jabar in the same breath.
76. The race for the Rookie of the Year award has been about as exciting as buttered toast. They should just not give the award to anybody this year and hand out two next season.
75. Somebody please give Mike Miller a haircut!
(I've always thought Mike Miller looked like someone who was only supposed to be 6'0'' tall but then he developed a tumor on his pituitary gland sometime around the 8th grade and grew to be 6'8'', only his parents had the tumor removed before he could grow to be a ridiculous 7'9'' or something like that. His face just reminds me of those guys in the record books that were giants. That's all I'm saying.)
74. I had no idea Joe Johnson was only 25 years old, just seems like he's been around forever.
73. Same thing applies to Mo Williams being only 24 years old.
72. If you're wondering why you haven't seen or heard anything about Dino Radja it's because he hasn't been in the NBA for 10 years.
71. Jack Sikma and Detlef Schrempf's sons play on the same high school team.
70. Marvin Williams plays with the physical aggressiveness of Mr. Burns from the Simpsons.
69. Deron Williams has a chance to be the next Jason Kidd. He looks and plays just like him--plus he can shoot.
68. Travis Diener still barely plays at all.
67. J.J. Redick, at this point, is probably more suited to be a model for a Shopko catalog than an NBA player--can't you just imagine him posing in a pair of Wranglers with his thumbs in his belt loops with a shit eating grin on his face? I know I can (I warned you Orlando but you didn't listen, enjoy your white Shawn Respert).
66. If HDTV has taught us anything, it's that Zaza Pachulia is suffering from terrible (b)acne.
65. The Lakers dimmed the lights in the crowd at the Staples Center this year ala the Knicks at Madison Square Garden. It's a good look.
64. If you ever find yourself judging a dunk contest and one of the contestants is able to slap a sticker on the top of the backboard while simultaneously dunking a basketball (without the use of a trampoline) then the contest should be stopped immediately and that person should be awarded the trophy on the spot, end of story.
63. I know I'm going against the grain on this one, but I like the Wizards black and gold-Purdue like alternative road jerseys. If I had it my way they'd still be called the Washington Bullets and the world would still make sense (kind of fitting if you think about the location of our nation's most recent tragedy involving a school related shooting).
62. The NBA has still not acted on my petition to change the franchise name of the Charlotte Bobcats back to the Hornets. The New Orleans Hornets should be called the Jazz, and the Utah Jazz should be called the Utah Dutch Ovens (the official cooking pot of Utah) or the Utah Salt Sacks.
61. I'll remember this season as the season that Eddy Curry and Tyson Chandler finally starting getting their shit together. I just wish they were still on the same team as this was happening. You match these two guys up with Hinrich, Gordon, Nocioni, and Deng and that team is going to win a lot of games. Feel the burn Chicago, feel the burn.
60. If your home team is sporting a starting lineup of Dan Gadzuric, Ruben Patterson, Charlie Bell, Mo Williams, and Earl Boykins (as they did this past Monday against the Hawks).....then your team is probably well on its way to securing a comfortable seat in the upcoming NBA draft lottery, and you have probably cried yourself to sleep a few times this season.
59. The return of coach Don Nelson. If nothing else, he provided us with that look of (what the hell did I just eat?) on his face that makes him look like he is constantly suffering from bad gas.
58. Did the Celtics dedicate this season to Red Auerbach? I sure hope not.
57. Shawn Kemp and Scottie Pippen attempted comebacks, suprisingly there were no takers.
56. This is the point at which I became bored with this entry. If you made it this far without jumping ship before point number 96, then I appreciate your time.
# posted by hucklebuck @ 7:19 AM 
