Friday, June 15, 2007
Draft #198
Freestyle Fridays (Where banana flavored Malibu rum doesn't sound half bad)
-Alright I lied, banana flavored rum sounds terrible. But I've been surprised before, like the time I found out that talentless actress/performer/celebrity announced she was entering rehab only to check out less than one week later.
-I think Jack Safro Toyota has had it way too easy for way too long. It's high time somebody gives that monopoly a little competition. That's why I'm thinking of opening up my own car dealership and calling it Jack's Afro. If you want in on this, get in now while the getting is hot.
-Boy I tell ya, times are rough (Yeah, how rough are they?) Oh man, the other day a black cat ran across my path and the cat got seven years of bad luck.
-SPOKANE, Wash. - "The only surviving pair of endangered pygmy rabbits released as part of a program to increase their numbers in the wild have dodged coyotes, badgers, hawks and owls and found time for love. Proud scientists announced Thursday that the rabbits have successfully bred."
Wow, a couple of rabbits managed to find a way to reproduce, go figure. There hasn't been this obvious a lock for something to happen since the Bears won the Super Bowl in 86'. In a related story, my friend Javier and his wife are expecting their seventh child. Congratulations Javier!
-For those of you who didn't know, Applebee's is running a promotion in conjuction with the Milwaukee Brewers. Any customer who purchases one of five preselected entrees from Applebees will receive a voucher for a free ticket to a Brewers game.
Sounds great doesn't it? Check out the fine print though: The preselected entree must be purchased on a Mon-Wed between the hours of 1pm and 3:30pm. The entree must also be ordered while dining in the smoking section of any of our Wisconsin locations. The waitress/waiter must be of Norwegian descent with a surname that lands between the letters A and G in the alphabet. This offer does not apply to all individuals who are left handed or wearing sandals. In order to qualify for the free ticket the customer must supply the waitress/waiter with a 42% gratuity and do so while reciting the books of the Bible in reverse order while hopping on one leg. Milwaukee area Applebees locations do not qualify to offer this promotion. Customer must pay a 22% sales tax inorder to receive free voucher. Void where prohibited--we don't actually know what that means but it sounds like something you'd find in most disclaimers. Those employed by the Milwaukee Brewers or Major League Baseball are also exempt from this deal. No Jews.
-I'm not sure I'm ready to live in a world where there's no Bob Barker. Where else could you bid $1 on a microwave and not get laughed at? I'm sure the show will live on, but it just won't be the same. Thanks to the Price is Right I now have the ability to make a fair market bid on a package of Garlique with 44% accuracy. Thanks Bob!
-In a discussion of the worst softball players in the history of the universe, my name has to be bandied about as a top 5 candidate, it just has to be. I'm pathetic.
-Well this afternoon has flown by and only one half hour remains until the weekend begins, so I'll have to cut this edition short. But I'll leave you with this....it doesn't take a son of a son of a sailor to head out on the sea for adventure. So get your hands out of your pants for five seconds and go out and do something.....or someone.
# posted by hucklebuck @ 11:43 AM 
