Friday, January 18, 2008
Draft #208
Hi, my name is Robert. In a recent ranking by Forbes magazine, Robert was voted one of the 10 most unoriginal and boring names on the planet. And while I'd like to think that my name doesn't necessarily describe who I am as a person, I do tend to wonder at times if the name isn't befitting. At my core, I believe I am an incredibly boring individual. Some may consider me to be humerous, but for the most part an evening out with yours truly could be described as marginal at best. I'm not the classical risk taker, I practically avoid anything that could be deemed troublesome at all costs. I get uneasy when jay walking or cutting across a home owner's lawn without first receiving permission.
I've never been able to capture a crowd with stories of rebellion or heroism. The highlight of my most recent weekend was catching the "buy one get one" sale on jumbo sized eggs at the grocery store. Eventhough the scramble egg skillet I whipped up was by all accounts amazing, it's not like that makes for a great story. People with great stories to tell are usually the type of people that can get outside of their comfort zone and try new things no matter how good or bad the end result may be. Removing yourself from your comfort zone may include choices as small as purchasing the Captain Crunch (w/ crunch berries) over the box of Cracklin Oat Bran that has become your staple breakfast choice or it may involve spending your money of hang gliding lessons as opposed to spending it on that new version of Guitar Hero that was just released. And sure, you may be saying to yourself, "Robert, where in the Sam Hill am I going to find hang gliding lessons for only $40?" And you may be right, hang gliding lessons don't sound cheap but the last time I checked, man was able to procure himself a $5 hand job if the proper avenues were explored. On that same logic though, I wouldn't advise anybody taking hang gliding lessons from a crack whore. That might not work out exactly as you had planned. Just saying.
Side note: It is in my most humble opinion that anybody who finds Guitar Hero fascinating, at any level, must suffer from a mental condition so severe it has yet to be diagnosed by the medical industry. To further illustrate my animosity towards this recent phenomena, I've compiled a list of things I'd rather do than rock out on a fake guitar.
1. Eat a batch of frostless cupcakes and wash it down with a steaming glass of rotten tomato juice
2. Wear a neckless made of pickles for a week
3. Watch season one of Who's the Boss
4. Drink water from a used bird bath
End of side note.
I hope that in the weeks ahead I'll have amazing stories to tell all you peoples. Some of them will be fake, some of them really fake, and some of them kinda fake with a little truth thrown in to keep you guessing. But until then, this is Robert "Don't call me Bobby" Sampson signing off and hoping yours is a weekend worth remembering.
# posted by hucklebuck @ 12:17 PM 
